Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

Many
people
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have been addicted to
TV
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screens
spending
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, spending
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their precious hours watching multiple
programmes
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instead
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of going outside and connecting with friends or family. I completely agree with
this
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view and believe that
TV
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has distracted
people
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of all ages to miss out on the opportunity to make purposeful connections. At present, televisions have become a major source of distraction for children and adults alike. Too many entertainment
programmes
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are easily accessible to viewers of every age group , and the remote has provided them with a fake sense of control , enabling them to fidget around channels for several hours without breaks in between.
For instance
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, multiple
TV
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networks dedicated to air kids shows, schedule cartoons and
programmes
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constantly without gaps in between to provide options
but
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, but
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this
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has proved to be rather disadvantageous for the toddlers as they become easily attached to
such
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contents
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content
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and grow up without being able to make friends or connections and
,
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apply
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misapprehending
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misapprehend
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their meaning Out of all the
programmes
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,
TV
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shows like Reality events, series and many more are responsible for arousing false emotions of involvement in
people
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. Intaking information from these shows creates complacency in the individuals , discouraging them from socialising with friends and family.
For example
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, sitcoms and reality
TV
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,
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apply
show examples
show a range of emotions from one episode to another , resulting in the viewers feeling involved and binge-watching multiple episodes in a single sitting.
Consequently
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,
people
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waste their time resorting to
TV
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entertainment for pseudo-participation and give no thought to socialising with others. In conclusion, television has dominated the majority of the population in exploiting their precious time , leading to missed opportunities to build important connections.

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structure
Stay on your main idea. Start with a short intro that states you agree, then give two clear reasons with one example each. Do not add too many long lines.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea. The first sentence should tell what the paragraph is about. Use simple link words to connect ideas (and, but, also, for example).
style
Use shorter sentences. Break long sentences to help the reader.
grammar
Check grammar and word choice. Some phrases are hard to read. Use plain and clear words.
idea
Clear stance on the topic.
evidence
Some good use of examples about kids and reality shows.
cohesion
Good use of linking words like For instance and Consequently.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
Look at other essays: