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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, children are given more freedom than they used to have in the past. Is this a positive or negative development?

There is a common belief that nowadays
children
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 have more
freedom
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 than in the past. I firmly believe that
this
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 is a negative development, as excessive
freedom
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 can distract
children
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 from their studies and expose them to harmful influences. One significant disadvantage of increased
freedom
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 is that
children
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 can be easily distracted by their peers.
For instance
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, they may spend most of their time
socializing
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socialising
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 with friends, which can interfere with their academic progress.
Moreover
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,
children
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 might receive misguided advice from peers, leading them to make poor decisions. Another important concern is that
children
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 can be influenced by the people around them, which may result in harmful habits or even risky
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.
For example
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, a friend could encourage experimenting with smoking or other dangerous activities, which could have serious consequences for their future.
Such
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 influences pose a threat to their development and well-being. In conclusion, I remain convinced that the drawbacks of giving
children
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 too much
freedom
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 outweigh the benefits, as they are often too immature to make the right choices and are easily led astray.

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content
Add a short plan at the start, show both sides, then take a clear stand.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas and show order.
content
Give more real and clear examples for each point.
language
Keep easy words, avoid long, hard words.
structure
Clear stance and decent structure.
coherence
Good use of linking phrases such as 'Moreover' and 'For example'.
content
Paragraphing is clear with a focus on two main ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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