IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart describes the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
minutes
Use synonyms
 of three categories of phone calls in Australia, between 2001 and 2008. From an
overall
Linking Words
 view, local calls are the most
utilized
Change the spelling
utilised
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 by Australian people,
while
Linking Words
 mobile calls are the
less
Replace the word
least
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 performed,
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the
time
Correct word choice
entire time
show examples
 period. Local calls
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a rising trend from 2001 to 2005, when there is their peak, reaching about 90
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minutes
Use synonyms
. After that period, from 2005 to 2008, there is a progressive reduction of
this
Linking Words
 amount of time,
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 72
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 2008. Oppositely, national and international calls have a progressive increase, from 38
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 2005 to 61
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
in
Check wording
minutes in
show examples
 2008.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, mobile calls have a sharp growth, passing from 2
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 2001 to 46
Use synonyms
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minutes
Use synonyms
 in 2008. It can be concluded that local calls, representing the
most
Correct word choice
largest
show examples
 part of the total, have a declining trend,
while
Linking Words
 mobile phone calls are rapidly increasing, particularly in the
last
Linking Words
 two years.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words minutes, billions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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