IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the percentage of whole world population in four countries from 1950 to 2000, with projections till 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of the whole world population in four countries over a period of 50 years, with projections till 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
,
China
Use synonyms
 showed an increase
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first half of the period. Meanwhile,
India
Use synonyms
 had significantly declined
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
However
Linking Words
,
usa
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 fell over the second half of the period In 1950,
China
Use synonyms
 rose sharply to 25%,
while
Linking Words
India
Use synonyms
 reached 15%
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
By contrast
Linking Words
,
usa
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 dramatically decreased between 10 and 5%
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
In 2000,
India
Use synonyms
 and
China
Use synonyms
 were the highest by far
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 the
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 reached the lowest point. In 2050,
India
Use synonyms
 is expected to sharply increase from 15% to 20%
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
China
Use synonyms
projected
Verb problem
is projected
show examples
 to decline over the 100 years between 25% to 18%
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 The
USA
Use synonyms
 is projected to rise from 8% to 10%
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 is expected to show a decline from 5% to 3%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words china, india, usa, japan with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic shifts
  • population percentage
  • projection
  • trends
  • increase/decrease
  • laggard
  • steady state
  • global dynamics
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • environmental implications
  • population trend
  • significant change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: