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Writing Samples
Band 3

There has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Currently, the number of
parents
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 who prefer to teach their
children
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 at
home
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instead
Linking Words
 of traditional
school
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.
Verb problem
is increasing.
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This
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 has become increasingly popular in many countries. There are some advantages and disadvantages
,
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. While
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while
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 homeschooling offers several benefits, it
also
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hasalso
Correct your spelling
has
 some drawbacks. IN my opinion, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. One of the main advantages of homeschooling is that it can be safer for both
parents
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 and
children
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. If
parents
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 educate their
children
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 at
home
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, they do not worry
where
Change preposition
about where
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 they are and what they eat at
school
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.
In addition
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, they can spend more time with them and
work
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 individually with them.
For instance
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, there are a lot of pupils studying at
school
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 teachers can not
work
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 with them individually , and if some
children
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 struggle with reading or mathematics,
parents
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 can
work
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 and pay more attention to their
children
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.
However
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, there are some detriments to teaching at
home
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. The big drawback is social interaction.
Children
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 who study at
faculty
Correct article usage
the faculty
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 have fewer opportunities to communicate and share their ideas.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 some
parents
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 can not spend more time with them because of their
work
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 , and some
parents
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 do not have enough knowledge and experience to teach their
children
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.
For example
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,
school
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 is not a place to study , but
children
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 can learn communication skills, sharing ideas and how to talk with people. In conclusion, educating
children
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 at
home
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 has some
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, while
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while
Correct word choice
but
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 it can
cause
Rephrase
also cause
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some
Correct determiner usage
a
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 lack of interaction.

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task response
State your view clearly in the intro and keep it in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like also, but, however, for example.
grammar
Check grammar and fix small mistakes. Use 'at home' correctly.
development
Give one or two clear examples for each side and explain their point.
task response
End with a clear conclusion that restates your view.
content
The essay shows a view and tries to discuss both sides.
structure
It has a clear plan with intro, body, and ending.
content
Some examples are used to show points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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