IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that young people should follow traditions of the society, while other people think that young people should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a debate between
traditions
Use synonyms
 and self-dependency, where some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that teenagers need to follow cultural
traditions
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 are of
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
show examples
 that they should be free for
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 behavior.
Thus
Linking Words
, I would like to illustrate with relevant reasons and examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my stand in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 need to maintain cultural sustainability.
According to
Linking Words
 that,
people
Use synonyms
 need to preserve culture and build relationships between family members and friends.
In other words
Linking Words
, whatever parents gain, they can teach their child about discipline and moral
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 true that
traditions
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
preserve cultural heritage. To quote and instance, they can celebrate and maintain social equality on function, dress codes, languages, and
respects
Fix the agreement mistake
respect
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each other.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 need some freedom to grow and develop
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
 identity. In today’s society, everyone wants to become independent, which
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 a chance for creativity and innovations.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 build their career by themselves,
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can improve their knowledge. In their whole life, some difficulties arise
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 can solve without any interruption
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 anyone's help.
However
Linking Words
, if parents
force
Wrong verb form
are forced
show examples
 to follow tradition,
then
Linking Words
 they do not
get
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 self-power.
For instance
Linking Words
,
independency
Replace the word
independence
show examples
 gives a chance to build a career,
according to
Linking Words
 their choice and interest. They can show their ability,
whereas
Linking Words
 in education, lifestyle and business.
Overall
Linking Words
, I still opine that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 should need to respect
traditions
Use synonyms
, but we cannot be forced into their decision. In modern society, individual freedom is crucial for a strong future.

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content
The essay has the idea of both sides and your view. But the case is not full. Add reasons and clear examples.
structure
Use clear order. Start with one view, then the other, then your view. End with a short finish.
content
The essay shows both sides and gives your own view.
structure
Linking words like On the one hand and Overall are used.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Sense of identity
  • Cultural background
  • Community unity
  • Formative years
  • Significant meanings
  • Passed down
  • Creativity and innovation
  • New ideas and perspectives
  • Societal progress
  • Personal growth
  • Self-discovery
  • Outdated or irrelevant
  • Adhering to traditions
  • Meaningful and relevant
What to do next:
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