IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some individuals are of the opinion that healthy diet is more important than physical exercise to remain healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a socio-cultural belief that healthy food is more crucial than stretching
exercise
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay strongly agrees with
this
Linking Words
 view and will justify it with relevant examples. I would like to point out here that,
firstly
Linking Words
,
diet
Use synonyms
 directly affects
body
Use synonyms
 function; food provides essential nutrients
such
Linking Words
 as proteins, carbohydrates and vitamins, which are beneficial for
Use synonyms
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
; proteins are essential for building and repairing tissues, providing enzymes and hormones. When people consume grains, vegetables, fruits and whole proteins, their bodies are better equipped to fight diseases and infections.
In contrast
Linking Words
, a poor
diet
Use synonyms
 that contains sugar, salt, and unhealthy fats weakens the immune system and leads to serious health conditions
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 can maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
body
Use synonyms
weight
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of relying only on physical
exercise
Use synonyms
; a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 not only supports the
Use synonyms
body
Check wording
body's
show examples
 function but
also
Linking Words
 maintains
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
body
Use synonyms
weight
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 physical activity helps burn calories and
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
show examples
 fitness, it is easier to consume excess calories than to burn them off.
For instance
Linking Words
, eating fast food and sugary items can lead to
body
Use synonyms
weight
Use synonyms
, no matter how much
exercise
Use synonyms
 they do, especially if they consume these items regularly and do
exercise
Use synonyms
 and walk once a week. In conclusion, a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 is crucial for boosting immunity, maintaining
weight
Use synonyms
, and preventing chronic or acute disease. People who maintain balanced eating habits are more likely to enjoy a better quality of life and
overall
Linking Words
 well-being.
Linking Words
While physical
Change preposition
Physical
show examples
 activity helps maintain
body
Use synonyms
 strength and
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 health risks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Give more clear links between ideas. Use words like first, next, also, in addition, however to show how points go together.
structure
Make the conclusion stronger. Restate your main idea and end with a short final line.
content
Add more details or facts to back each point. Right now, ideas are claimed but not shown with proof.
grammar
Check grammar and end marks. Some sentences are too long and need proper full stops.
lexical
Keep the wording simple and use common words. Break long phrases into short, plain sentences.
strength
Clear stance in the intro.
strength
Uses a clear example (fast food) to back a point.
strength
Overall easy to read and mostly simple in style.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: