IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In some
countries
Use synonyms
, especially developing
countries
Use synonyms
 like
india
Fix capitalization
India
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, the number of young
people
Use synonyms
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
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 the young
generation
Use synonyms
 count.
This
Linking Words
 scenario has both pros
as well as
Linking Words
 cons for the
country
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the advantages, the primary
one
Check wording
advantage
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 is that youth
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more likely to contribute
in
Change preposition
to
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 the economy of the
country
Use synonyms
 by paying taxes.
Secondly
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 are more inclined towards technology, which can eventually help
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
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 to build its technology hub and work on improving the
countries
Use synonyms
, infrastructure and other facilities.
Last
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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least,
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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generation
Use synonyms
 is likely to work for a longer period of time than the old
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
people,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will eventually lead to more taxes being paid to the government.
This
Linking Words
 money could be used by
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 for
betterment
Correct article usage
the betterment
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 of the
country
Use synonyms
. On the other
side
Check wording
hand
show examples
,
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 of
this
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 scenario cannot be ignored.
Firstly
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,
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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 older
people
Use synonyms
 means
less
Correct article usage
a less
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 experienced
generation
Use synonyms
 in the
country
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, which will eventually lead to more
failure
Fix the agreement mistake
failures
show examples
 of the experiments
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of guidance.
Secondly
Linking Words
, more younger
generation
Use synonyms
 means more competition for jobs, which will eventually lead to unemployment as there is a drastic difference between the number of jobs available and
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of young
people
Use synonyms
 applying to them. In conclusion, I would like to say that
countries
Use synonyms
 which have enough resources and jobs available for
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 younger
generation
Use synonyms
 could be a
bone
Use the right word
boon
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, for those
countries
Use synonyms
 that have limited
resources
Add a comma
resources,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 could
worse
Verb problem
be worse
show examples
 in their situation.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first line. State if you think the trend is good or bad, and add a short reason.
task response
Make one idea in each paragraph. Do not mix ideas. Start with the main point, then add a bit of proof.
task response
Use simple but exact form. Check grammar and spelling. Use easy words and short jumps from one idea to the next.
coherence
Link ideas with small joining words like and, but, also, however, first, next, in addition. This helps flow.
coherence
Use more facts or tiny examples to back points. For instance, say what kind of jobs or money or rules.
structure
The essay shows a plan to talk about both sides.
structure
There is a clear end line with 'In conclusion'.
content
Some good ideas on how youth can help the economy and tech.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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