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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People should only buy food locally. What are the advantages and disadvantages

n
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In
 today’s society, there is an argument that
food
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 should only be bought from local sources.
While
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 there are some benefits to belief, there is an argument to be made that only sourcing
food
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 locally is not necessary.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both sides of the spectrum. Some people argue that
food
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 should be
source
Replace the word
sourced
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 locally because it directly supports the local community farmers and livestock owners,
because
Correct word choice
and
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 by buying from local
sources
Punctuation problem
sources,
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 you are
also
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 supporting them to be able to produce more. By supporting our local producers, in turn they will be able to keep producing
food
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 and keep up with the demand of local inhabitants. The most evident example is by shopping at the farmer’s market, as it is a place where local
farmer’s
Check wording
farmers
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 gather and sell their own
produces
Correct subject-verb agreement
produce
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,
thus
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 you are directly supporting local farmers.
On the other hand
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, urban
cities
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 that do not have a lot of farmland cannot afford to source locally.
Theres
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There's
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 just not enough quantity of
food
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 to keep
with
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up with
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 the high population count of urban
cities
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.
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Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 it is important they bring
food
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 from other places to keep their population fed.
For example
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,
cities
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 like Jakarta and Surabaya have a lot of total inhabitants with a lot of industrial and commercial spaces
,
Punctuation problem
;
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consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
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 the
cities
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 cannot keep up with
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
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of
Change preposition
for
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food
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,
hence
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 is why they need to transport
food
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 from other
neighboring
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neighbouring
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cities
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. In conclusion,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 is apparent that sourcing locally can have its downsides and upsides. The clear thing is that there needs to be a balance between sourcing locally and supporting your local farmers,
while
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also
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 sourcing from other places to keep up with the demand
of
Change preposition
for
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 certain
produces
Replace the word
products
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 that are not available locally

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task response
Task response: The essay talks about both sides and has a conclusion, which is good. To reach a higher score, add more clear reasons and more concrete examples for each point.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a basic flow with Intro, body, and conclusion. Improve by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and use linking words such as 'also', 'however', 'in addition' to keep ideas connected.
grammar
Grammar and spelling: Fix errors like 'source locally' -> 'sourced locally', 'Theres' -> 'There's', 'produce' vs 'produces'. Use simple and consistent tense and check plural noun forms.
structure
Clear structure shows intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Uses an example (farmer's market) to support a point.
balance
Gives both sides of the issue rather than just one.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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