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Writing Samples
Band 6

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The tables
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 key information about the alternation of the total
population
Use synonyms
 in New York City between 1800 and 2000. These tables include
tree
Use the right word
three
show examples
 parts
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the five districts, the Mabhatta and other districts. The numbers are measured in
persentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest number increased in Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten Island.
However
Linking Words
, the lowest number
decresed
Correct your spelling
decreased
 in
Mnhattan
Correct your spelling
Manhattan
. On the one hand, in terms of the significant ratio,
according to
Linking Words
 the given data, in 2000, the highest percentage
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
in
Verb problem
was in
show examples
6,471,089
Correct article usage
the 6,471,089
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in other districts at about 81%.
However
Linking Words
, in 1800, the lowest percentage decreased in
18,701
Correct article usage
the 18,701
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 at almost 24%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in terms of the dramatic ratio,
according to
Linking Words
 the given reports, in 2000, the lowest value decreased
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 1,538,096
population
Use synonyms
 in Manhattan at almost 19%.
However
Linking Words
, in 1800, the highest value increased
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 60,515
population
Use synonyms
 at about 76% and in 1850,093
population
Use synonyms
 at almost 54%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "tables" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • people
  • city
  • five
  • district
  • grow
  • growth
  • rise
  • increase
  • increase
  • rise
  • fall
  • decline
  • high
  • low
  • big
  • large
  • small
  • more
  • less
  • over time
  • by year
  • in total
  • compare
  • compared with
  • whereas
  • trend
  • pattern
  • overall
  • feature
  • note
  • point
  • difference
  • lead
  • catch up
  • late
  • early
  • century
  • decade
  • period
  • 2000
  • 1800
  • 1900
  • continuous
  • steady
  • rapid
  • fast
  • slow
  • periods
  • numbers
  • data
  • report
  • describe
  • summarise
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