IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

While some people consider air pollution to be the most dangerous environmental problem, others believe that soil pollution has a more serious effect on our world. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

If
Change preposition
Whether
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air
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 or
soil
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 represents the most serious environmental
problem
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is still a question of debate.  In my opinion,
both
Use synonyms
 kinds of
pollution
Use synonyms
 are really dangerous for our planet. 
Air
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 is mostly related to the particles released by transport vehicles, particularly cars and
airplains
Correct your spelling
aeroplanes
. There are several
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
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of
Change preposition
apply
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people in the
word
Use the right word
world
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 and, in Western Countries, most
part
Check wording
apply
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of them have at least a car or a motorbike.
Therefore
Linking Words
, during our everyday life, several particles are released by each vehicle for several
billions
Fix the agreement mistake
billion
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of
Change preposition
apply
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people, contributing to the general
air
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, gas produced by many factories, for
Correct your spelling
instance
istance
Punctuation problem
istance,
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 that
released
Verb problem
is released
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 in our everyday beauty routine contained in many sprays, represents another harmful environmental
problem
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
soil
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 is the other side of the
problem
Use synonyms
. In fact, most
part
Check wording
apply
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of
rubbish
Correct article usage
the rubbish
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as solids produced by most part of factories,
aren't
Correct subject-verb agreement
isn't
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 biodegradable and could have serious effects on our Planet. For
istance
Correct your spelling
instance
, plastic rubbish
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 a common dangerous
problem
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 frequently released
in
Change preposition
into
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 the
soil
Use synonyms
 or
in
Change preposition
into
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 the oceans,
representing
Verb problem
posing
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real
Correct article usage
a real
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trapes
Correct your spelling
threat
for
Change preposition
to
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 several animals. I believe that
both
Use synonyms
 these environmental problems are fundamental and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 they are linked by a common denominator, represented by human beings. Governments should promote campaigns of
sensibilization
Check wording
sensitisation
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, aimed
to reduce
Change preposition
at reducing
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both
Use synonyms
 kinds of
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
air
Use synonyms
 and
soil
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 by single factories should be strictly regulated and monitored by the Government.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, every citizen should contribute to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
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 the amount of
air
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 or rubbish produced by
himself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
. It can be concluded that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
both
Use synonyms
air
Use synonyms
 and
soil
Use synonyms
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
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 are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious and dangerous
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. Strict rules are needed
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in order to reduce the amount of harmful products for our earth.

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task response
Plan your essay first. Say clearly what you think at the start and in the end. Then add two side ideas and a short view of which one you think is more needed.
coherence cohesion
Use one idea in each paragraph. Start with a short sentence that tells what the paragraph will talk about. Use simple words to connect ideas, like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'then', 'however'.
coherence cohesion
Make an easy intro that says the topic and the two views. End with a short conclusion that states your view clearly.
content
The writer does try to talk about both sides and gives a personal view.
structure
There is some attempt to use links to connect ideas.
examples
Some good examples are used, like plastics in soil and harm to animals.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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