IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically to be bad for people's health. To what extent you agree or disagree.

Some people believe that edible
items
Use synonyms
 which
leaves
Correct subject-verb agreement
leave
show examples
 bad imprints on
health
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 should be sold
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 shops
they
Punctuation problem
; they
show examples
 support it by quoting: liquor and tobacco
already
Verb problem
are already
show examples
 being sold widely, and they are widely known for their serious
health
Use synonyms
 implications.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that those
food
Use synonyms
 articles which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not good for
health
Use synonyms
 should not be sold
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 shops. One key reason is
health
Use synonyms
, as
health
Use synonyms
 is considered to be a real wealth of any human being. Those bad
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
 have a deter effect on an individual, because it is widely observed
some
Correct word choice
that some
show examples
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
 have carcinogenic agents in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. As they do not respond immediately
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it
do
Wrong verb form
does have
show examples
 effects
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
longer
Correct word choice
long
show examples
 run.
For
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 in
India
Punctuation problem
India,
show examples
 recently a
well known
Use the right word
well-known
show examples
 instant noodle company found
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 amount of lead during a lab test, as lead is a
cancer causing
Use the right word
cancer-causing
show examples
agent
Punctuation problem
agent,
show examples
 may
arises
Use the right word
raises
show examples
 some serious questions
food
Use synonyms
 being sold widely. Some capitalist proposes lower scrutiny and not to sabotage the markets. But one did not have any right to earn money on the stake of public
health
Use synonyms
. There are various examples where people ended up
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
show examples
 with high bills. At
Linking Words
last
Punctuation problem
last,
show examples
 those
sub graded
Use the right word
sub-graded
show examples
food
Use synonyms
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
show examples
 work as
Correct article usage
a double
show examples
double edged
Use the right word
double-edged
show examples
 sword. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
seen
Verb problem
are seen
show examples
 as
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 emerging concept of business nowadays,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 put public
health
Use synonyms
 on stake for the sake of
capitalist's
Correct article usage
the capitalist's
show examples
 appetite.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should enforce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stricter regulations and establish
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 autonomous body for conducting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
periodical audits on those shops.

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structure
Plan your ideas before you write. Start with a short intro that says what you think.
structure
Put one idea in each paragraph. Use a simple line at the start of each paragraph to show what that part is about.
content
Give more proof for each point. Use clear and real examples.
language
Check your spelling and fix grammar. Use plain, common words.
language
Use small linking words like and, but, also, so to show flow.
content
You take a clear view and say why you hold it.
content
You name a health reason as the main point.
structure
You finish with a call for rule or action.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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