IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think governments should spend money on the arts, while others believe it should be spent on public services. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, an increasing number of people hold different views on whether governments should allocate public funds to the
arts
Use synonyms
 or prioritise public services.
While
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 both areas are important, I believe that investing in the
arts
Use synonyms
 can generate long-term economic and social benefits. On the one hand, supporters of funding the
arts
Use synonyms
 argue that it can stimulate local economic development. By building art galleries, theatres and concert halls, governments can attract both domestic and international tourists, thereby increasing revenue in related industries
such
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 as hospitality and retail.
For example
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, cities
such
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 as Edinburgh have gained international recognition through annual cultural events like large-scale
arts
Use synonyms
 festivals, which draw millions of visitors each year and generate substantial income for local businesses.
In addition
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, cultural events
such
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 as music festivals can enhance a city’s reputation and create employment opportunities. Through these channels, investment in the
arts
Use synonyms
 not only enriches citizens’ cultural lives but
also
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 contributes to sustainable economic growth.
On the other hand
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, opponents contend that public money should be directed towards essential services, particularly
healthcare
Use synonyms
. Expanding community hospitals, introducing advanced medical equipment and providing professional training for doctors can significantly improve public health.
For instance
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, during public health crises
such
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 as pandemics, regions with well-funded
healthcare
Use synonyms
 systems are better equipped to provide timely treatment and prevent large-scale mortality.
As a result
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, citizens are able to enjoy longer life expectancy and
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 quality of life. From
this
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 perspective,
healthcare
Use synonyms
 investment directly addresses fundamental human needs. In conclusion,
although
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 investing in
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is undeniably crucial, I am convinced that funding the
arts
Use synonyms
 can indirectly strengthen the economy. A stronger economy, in turn, provides governments with greater financial capacity to improve public services in the long run.

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task response
Task response: The essay gives a clear view and discusses both sides with an opinion. To improve, make the link between ideas clearer and add a stronger, direct reason for your view. Add a more specific fact or example tied to the task.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: Use good connecting words to tie ideas. Some sentences are long; break them into two. Keep one main idea per paragraph and show clear links from one paragraph to the next.
strength
Clear view from start to end.
structure
Good use of sign words like On the one hand and In conclusion.
example
Nice example of Edinburgh and art events.
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