IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Overfi shing has resulted in a dramatic drop in the quantity of fi sh in our oceans over the last century and is a threat to the well-being of people around the world. Identify possible reasons for this problem and suggest measures that could be taken to solve it. Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

In the
last
Linking Words
 hundred years, the world has seen a significant decrease in the number of fish in the sea caused by overfishing,
while
Linking Words
 people have been affected in their welfare. The first reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem is that the total human population is growing year by year, causing a higher demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fish around the world,
taking off
Verb problem
reducing
show examples
 the possibility
to reproduce
Change preposition
of reproducing
show examples
 themselves. Another cause could be the increasing level of pollution in the water
that is
Linking Words
 killing a lot of sea animals.
For instance
Linking Words
, if the national government limited the quantity of fishing, there would not
been
Verb problem
have been
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if we pay attention to
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
throw
Wrong verb form
throwing
show examples
 rubbish in the ocean, it will be easier for the marine population to live and to reproduce.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, humans must reduce their quantity of fishing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they should keep the oceans around the planet clean.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

strength
Your essay has a clear topic and you give ideas about causes and how to fix the problem.
grammar
Use better grammar and word choice. For example, say 'there would not have been this issue' instead of 'there would not been this issue'.
organization
Make each idea clearer with a topic sentence and a short link to the next idea. Use simple link words like 'first', 'then', 'also', 'finally'.
content
Give one or two real examples to show the idea, not only general talk.
task response
The essay shows a real aim and a plan to fix the problem.
coherence
There is a form of ending that shows what to do.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: