IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the 20th century, contact between many different parts of the world has developed rapidly through air travel and telecommunications. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is often argued that the development of
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 and telecommunications
allow
Wrong verb form
has allowed
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 the world
connected
Verb problem
to be connected
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. From my perspective, the benefits of the issue are greater than
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 since those technologies
stay
Verb problem
keep
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 the world connected and provide job opportunities.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I accept that international
travel
Use synonyms
 and telecommunications cause several pollution.
Firstly
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,
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 leads to an increasing amount of carbon dioxide.
In other words
Linking Words
, it leads to global warming as
Use synonyms
air craft
Use the right word
aircraft
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emits
Correct subject-verb agreement
emit
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 high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of carbon dioxide.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, countries tend to clear forests to develop
tourists
Fix the agreement mistake
tourist
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 spots.
This
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 is mainly because local
people
Use synonyms
 want to make more profits
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 it leads to a large number of clearing forests, which leads
wild
Change preposition
to wild
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 animals
lose
Wrong verb form
losing
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 their habitats. Once their habitats
destroyed
Verb problem
are destroyed
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, it is difficult to recover for a couple of decades.
As a result
Linking Words
, biodiversity will significantly decrease, and some
of
Change preposition
apply
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wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 could go
to extinction
Correct word choice
extinct
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.
On the other hand
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, I am convinced that developing technologies
such
Linking Words
 as telecommunication make the world
connected
Punctuation problem
connected,
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 as these technologies enable
people
Use synonyms
 to connect without time and location constraints.
Therefore
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,
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 do not feel social isolation.
For example
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, satellite internet enables workers who work
remote
Change preposition
in remote
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 areas to communicate with their families and friends.
Furthermore
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,
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 enables
people
Use synonyms
 to experience exotic cultures.
People
Use synonyms
 are now able to fly
in
Rephrase
apply
show examples
anywhere in 48 hours
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 it leads to easier access to foreign countries.
For example
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, Americans can
travel
Use synonyms
 to East Asia countries in 24 hours, which means
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 physical distance compact.
Also
Linking Words
, industries related to
travel
Use synonyms
 can employ more workers.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because
Use synonyms
travel
Correct article usage
the travel
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 industry needs more workers,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to
a
Correct article usage
an
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 increasing number of
employment
Check wording
jobs
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are several drawbacks,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 far outweigh the drawbacks since
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 and telecommunication enable
people
Use synonyms
 to easily go
oversea
Use the right word
overseas
show examples
 and feel connected with their families and friends.

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coherence
Put one main idea in each paragraph and link it to the question.
development
Add more detail for each point to show why it is true.
coherence
Use link words to join sentences and ideas.
task
Say yes or no in the first line and give the main reason at the end.
language
Check grammar and spelling, fix mistakes like peole and oversea.
task response
A clear view is given in the essay.
structure
There is a plan in place with three parts.
examples
The writer uses some good examples.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global trade
  • economic boost
  • cultural exchange
  • global peace
  • educational resources
  • carbon emissions
  • environmental degradation
  • social isolation
  • economic inequality
  • technological dependence
What to do next:
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