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Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the number of participants for differnt activities at one social center in melbouren, Austraila for the period 2000 to 2020.

The graph below gives information on the number of participants for differnt activities at one social center in melbouren, Austraila for the period 2000 to 2020.
The
provied
Correct your spelling
provided
lien
Use the right word
line
show examples
 graph gives information about the five activities for
particiants
Correct your spelling
participants
 of
Melbouren
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
,
Austraila
Correct your spelling
Australia
over
Punctuation problem
, over
show examples
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
 of 20 years from 2000 to 2020.
Linking Words
overall
Fix capitalization
Overall
show examples
, it can be
clerly
Correct your spelling
clearly
 seen from the graph that
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club had
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
participants
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 amateur dramatics had the
fewast participanties
Correct your spelling
fewest participants
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
by the end
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 given period.
According to
Linking Words
 what
shown
Verb problem
was shown
show examples
,
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club had a higher
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
participants
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
than the
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
activty
Correct your spelling
activities
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Approximaneiy
Correct your spelling
Approximately
 65 in 2000, After five years
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 slightly to 60
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
rose to 68 in 2020
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
show examples
 in
amatew dramaices
Correct your spelling
amateur dramas
, it was slightly increased
29
Change preposition
to 29
show examples
 in 2005 and
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
 dropped significantly to 5 in 2010.
While
Linking Words
 the table tennis
Check wording
players rise
show examples
rise
Replace the word
rose
show examples
 to 20 in
2005
Punctuation problem
2005,
show examples
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
soar
Wrong verb form
soared
show examples
 to 55 in 2020
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in the martial arts, the number
Use synonyms
participants
Change preposition
of participants
show examples
 fluctuated between 30 and 40 ,
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
stabilized
Change the spelling
stabilised
show examples
45
Change preposition
at 45
show examples
 in 2020.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
tems
Correct your spelling
terms
 of the musical performances
he
Punctuation problem
, he
show examples
 started
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
participant
Replace the word
participating
show examples
beggn
Check wording
apply
show examples
in 2005 and
contined
Correct your spelling
continued
 to grow until it reached 29 in 2020.
Film
Correct article usage
The film
show examples
 club and table tennis showed the
higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 number of
participants
Use synonyms
 compared to other activities in
Melborne
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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