IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment.Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

In numerous countries, a large number of
offenders
Use synonyms
 commit crimes again after serving their first
punishment
Use synonyms
, which raises serious concerns about the effectiveness. Personally, I would regard
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon
as a consequence
Linking Words
 of some comprehensive factors. But there are indeed some
mainly
Replace the word
main
show examples
 reasons leading
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
to this
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 problem. The
primarily
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primary
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 obvious reason that allowed
offenders
Use synonyms
 to take the old way is the limit of
punishing
Correct article usage
the punishing
show examples
 mechanism. As we can see, the
punishment
Use synonyms
 in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cases is focused more on
punishment
Use synonyms
 itself, rather than
educate
Wrong verb form
on educating
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,
transform
Wrong verb form
transforming
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 and establishing
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 conception.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
offenders
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 would maintain a high level of
posibility
Correct your spelling
possibility
committing
Change preposition
of committing
show examples
 crimes again. Once, the government could pay more attention and resources
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 guiding them,
such
Linking Words
 as the construction of legal conception, psychological help and
socialization
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socialisation
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 training, there is no doubt that the willingness of
offenders
Use synonyms
 to commit again after leaving prison will be greatly decreased .
Additionally
Linking Words
, a common problem in modern societies is that some
offenders
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 have
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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 professional skills and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of social support.
Offenders
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 are under long-term control and management in prison, which is far
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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different from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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normal life. Once they are released, they have to manage their own life again. If they didn't get useful training on professional skills for living, they would
meet
Verb problem
find themselves in
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 a
truly
Rephrase
apply
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predicament to get back to normal life in reality. It is hard to avoid the old way under these conditions. What a society can do to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem is
offering
Wrong verb form
to offer
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 opportunities for
offender
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offenders
show examples
 to learn some skills and
matching
Wrong verb form
match
show examples
 them
suitable
Change preposition
with suitable
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 jobs after
punishment
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the offender could live by their own ability and
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not need to rely on the former way. Totally,
this
Linking Words
 question
is arose
Wrong verb form
arises
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 among a complex factors, including personality, family condition, social environment and
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
.

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task response
Start with a clear main idea in the first line and show a plan for the essay.
structure
Use one idea per paragraph. Give a topic sentence and then two or three details.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words: first, also, then, but, so, finally.
coherence
Make a short, clear ending that sums up the main idea.
grammar
Fix small grammar and word use mistakes to help readers
content
Add more exact examples or ideas on how to fix the problem.
content
Shows a real plan to explain why the problem happens and how to fix it.
structure
Gives two clear reasons and some steps to help.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: