IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. Advantages and disadvantages

There has been much debate going on around the issue
if
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
 small
businesses
Use synonyms
 should be kept or closed. Some
people
Use synonyms
 are in favour of
this
Linking Words
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
; however
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, some express the opposite opinion. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
closure
Correct article usage
the closure
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 of small
businesses
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. First of all, local
businesses
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 do not offer as broad a range of
products
Use synonyms
 as bigger
businesses
Use synonyms
 do. Most of the time
small
Punctuation problem
, small
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 ventures provide limited
products
Use synonyms
 and services, which only makes
people
Use synonyms
 spend more time going through different places and choosing the things they would like to obtain.
Consequently
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, humans become more and more exhausted and irritable
due to
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 the fact that the variety of
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
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 is restricted. What is more, globalisation renders international companies inevitable. Evolution and technology
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 small
businesses
Use synonyms
 fall behind. The majority of owners simply lack the required skills and competence to adapt in a
fast evolving
Use the right word
fast-evolving
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 world.
As a result
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, more and more small companies go bankrupt
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 modern industry takes over their place.
However
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, small
businesses
Use synonyms
 are beneficial to society because they are more aware of local needs and demand for specific
products
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 or services. In many
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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 the supermarkets only offer
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mass production
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 frequently
people
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 are searching for goods that are niche and exclusive.
Hence
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, small ventures are extremely popular
between
Change preposition
among
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 elderly
people
Use synonyms
 and local communities.
Hence
Linking Words
, small ventures are extremely popular
between
Change preposition
among
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 elderly
people
Use synonyms
 and local communities.
Furthermore
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, consumers are offered
higher quality
Use the right word
higher-quality
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products
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 for a lower price.
This
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 way
preserving
Punctuation problem
, preserving
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 local
businesses
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 is better for the
people
Use synonyms
 who do not earn
such
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 a big salary and cannot afford overpriced commodities.

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planning
Plan your answer. Say the good and the bad. Make a clear plan and a short closing line.
structure
Use a clear flow. Use 2 or 3 short paragraphs. Start with your view or a short summary in the end.
linking
Keep ideas simple and linked. Use words like also and but to join sentences.
content
The essay shows both sides of the issue, which fits the task.
structure
Some good use of topic idea and order in ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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