IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The rapid advancement of technology has significantly transformed various aspects of our lives. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this technological progress, and how can individuals and societies adapt to these changes?

The
fast developing
Use the right word
fast-developing
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technology
Use synonyms
puts
Verb problem
has
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 a huge impact on our daily life. The main advantage is, it makes life easy and convenient. The main drawback is
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
that people
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 are losing the traditional ways of doing things, which leads to health concerns
due to
Linking Words
 less activity.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both aspects. The quick growth of
technology
Use synonyms
 makes
people
Use synonyms
’s tasks easy. The
technology
Use synonyms
 advancement
transform
Wrong verb form
has transformed
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task
Correct article usage
the task
show examples
 from
doing
Verb problem
being
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 it manually to
machines
Use synonyms
. These
machines
Use synonyms
 are
more quicker and
Correct word order
quicker and more
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 sophisticated than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manual work.
For example
Linking Words
, the invention of
washing
Correct article usage
the washing
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 machine.
People
Use synonyms
 can wash clothes much faster with just a click of
button
Correct article usage
a button
show examples
,
instead
Linking Words
 of doing it
on
Change preposition
by
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 hand for hours.
Moreover
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, they do not need to dry them out in
sun
Correct article usage
the sun
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 and wait for hours.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in
machines
Use synonyms
 it takes only
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 minutes to
hour
Correct article usage
an hour
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 irrespective
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 weather
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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.
In contrast
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, there are some
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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 of
this
Linking Words
 advancement
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
people
Use synonyms
 changing their lifestyle to modern and losing their roots. The
technology
Use synonyms
 made
people
Use synonyms
 lazy, since they are not working traditionally anymore.
Thus
Linking Words
, it promotes
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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one of
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 are more obese these days. They do most of
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 with the help of these
machines
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, before
people
Use synonyms
 used to do farming manually, but
recent
Change preposition
in recent
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 years tractors and other equipments of farming
Verb problem
equipment have ease
show examples
ease
Wrong verb form
eased
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 the traditional method.
Hence
Linking Words
, they live
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 sedentary
life-style
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 leads to health problems
such
Linking Words
 as cardiac, vascular and cholesterol diseases
due to
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 obesity. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, quick inventions
changes
Correct subject-verb agreement
change
show examples
 all aspects of life,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to some positive and negative outcomes. outcomes.

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planning
Add 2-3 strong points for both pro and con, each with a clear example.
coherence
Use clear linking words to show the order and ideas (for example, first, also, but, however).
grammar
Fix grammar and word form errors, such as -ing vs -ed, articles, and plural s.
task response
Make the conclusion state what can be done at personal and societal levels.
structure
Organize into clear paragraphs: one for intro, one for each idea, one for conclusion.
idea
The topic is clear and the writer tries to discuss both sides.
examples
Some practical examples are used (washing machine, tractors).
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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