IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

compare the pie chart between germany brazil down below.

The pie charts compare the age distribution of Brazil’s and Germany’s populations in 2000 and provide projections for 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
, Brazil shows a steady increase in the proportions of
adults
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 and
seniors
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, accompanied by a significant decline in the
youth
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 population.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Germany is expected to undergo a marked
aging
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ageing
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 of its population, with a substantial rise in
seniors
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 and a sharp decrease in
adults
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,
while
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 the
youth
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 percentage remains fairly stable. Specifically, in Brazil, the percentage of
seniors
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 is projected to rise from 5% to 13%, and
adults
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 are expected to grow slightly from 65% to 70%. Meanwhile, the
youth
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 segment will decrease significantly from 30% to 17%.
Conversely
Linking Words
, Germany will see
seniors
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 increase dramatically from 22% to 40%,
adults
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 decrease markedly from 65% to 48%, and
youth
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 dip only marginally from 13% to 12%. In summary, Germany’s population is projected to age considerably more than Brazil’s, with
seniors
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 making up a much larger share by 2050. Meanwhile, Brazil will maintain a higher proportion of
adults
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 compared to Germany, indicating a comparatively younger workforce.

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Task response
Your answer has a clear start and end and you compare both places well. To make it stronger, keep all facts in the same way and check the numbers for each year.
Task response
Be sure both charts are spoken of in the same mind. Give one clear view of 2000 and 2050 for Brazil and Germany so the reader can see the change in one time.
Task response
Use plain words for numbers. Phrases like 'increase', 'fall', 'rise', and 'share' help the reader follow data fast.
Coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with small connect words. Use 'also', 'but', 'and', 'so' to show how ideas go from one to the next.
Coherence and cohesion
Group your paragraphs to show one view each country, or one view of the two years, then compare. This helps flow and avoids mix of data.
Task response
Check that you describe all the main points the charts show. If a point is in the chart, say it in your essay.
Task response
Clear overview of Brazil and Germany trends.
Coherence and cohesion
Good use of linking words to guide the reader.
Task response
Direct data and clear compare between the two countries.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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