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Writing Samples
Band 6

in a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these vlews and give your own opinion.

The question of whether
governments
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 should spend more money on
railways
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 rather than
roads
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 is widely debated. As
transportation
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 needs continue to grow,
governments
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 must decide how to allocate limited public funds effectively. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
roads
Use synonyms
 remain essential for daily activities and economic development,
governments
Use synonyms
 should invest more in railway systems because they provide efficient mass
transportation
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 and are more environmentally sustainable.
First,
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railways
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 are highly effective at transporting large numbers of passengers. In many large cities, traffic congestion has become a serious problem
due to
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 the increasing number of private vehicles. Expanding railway networks,
such
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 as metro systems or intercity trains, can significantly reduce the number of cars on the
road
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.
For example
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, a single train can carry several hundred passengers at once,
while
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 the same number of people
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 by car would require many vehicles and far more
road
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 space.
As a result
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, railway development can help reduce travel time and improve
overall
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transportation
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 efficiency.
Second,
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rail transport is generally more environmentally friendly than
road
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 transport. Cars and trucks produce large amounts of carbon emissions and air pollution, which contribute to climate change and health problems.
In contrast
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, many modern trains run on electricity and generate significantly lower emissions per passenger.
Therefore
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, investing in
railways
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 can help
governments
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 reduce pollution and create cleaner urban environments.
However
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,
road
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 infrastructure still plays an important role in society.
Roads
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 are necessary for transporting goods, providing access to rural communities, and supporting emergency services.
Consequently
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,
governments
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 should continue to maintain and improve
roads
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 where needed. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
roads
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 remain vital for many functions,
governments
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 should
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 spending on
railways
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 because they offer efficient
transportation
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 and support environmental sustainability.

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strength
Strong view is clear and the essay explains why railways could be better. It also mentions roads as a counter point. Add a bit more on the other side to show all view points.
improvement
Give more real examples to back each point. One fact is good, more examples or data would help the idea stay strong.
tip
Linking is good. Use simple links to show steps of thought, like First, Then, Finally, But, Also.
tip
Keep the focus on the task. In a real test, be sure to show your own view in every paragraph and not repeat the same idea.
structure
Clear view of your own opinion at the start and a brief plan of points.
coherence
Good use of clear paragraphing and linking words to move from one idea to the next.
conclusion
Conclusion restates the opinion well.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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