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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

2.The line graph below shows the percentage of households owning four different electrical appliances in one country between 1995 and 1999.

The line chart illustrates the proportion of
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 owning four different electrical appliances in one country from 1995 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
owning
Correct word choice
apply
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number of four electrical appliances all rose. Washing machine recorded the highest figure during the 5 years, meanwhile
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 had
the
Correct article usage
a
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 similar
patter
Use the right word
pattern
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. Phone
increased
Check wording
usage increased
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 dramatically
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the other two had
moderate
Correct article usage
a moderate
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 increase. Between 1995 to 1997, the percentage of households owning
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 increased consistently from 10% to 20%, but DVD player followed
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
patter
Use the right word
pattern
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 decreased from around 25% to 20%. Meanwhile, Phone grew significantly
at
Change preposition
by
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 30%. Both
washing
Correct article usage
the washing
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 machine and
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
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 had
10
Correct article usage
a 10
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% increase. But their
increase
Replace the word
increasing
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 trend had
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 differences. From 1997 onwards, the proportion of households owning
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 and
DVD
Correct article usage
a DVD
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 player
were
Verb problem
apply
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overlapped.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 overtook
DVD
Correct article usage
the DVD
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 player in 1998. Phone reached
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 level as
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
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 at around 65% before 1999
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it exceeded
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
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roughly
Change preposition
by roughly
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 5% in 1999. Washing machine rose continually
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it reached the highest figure at 80% in 1999.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words internet with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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