IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge of experience.

Owing to increasing competition these days, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people are choosing entrepreneurship to make money
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is leading to
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 number of businesses these days.
However
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, on
side
Correct article usage
the side
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 of earning profits, these businesses are
also
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 causing harm to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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.
Therefore
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, I disagree with the given statement and believe that
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along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with earning profits,
companies
Use synonyms
 should
also
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 focus on other social responsibilities. I will discuss points supporting my
view point
Use the right word
viewpoint
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 in
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, natural resources
ar
Use the right word
are
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 getting
depeletd
Correct your spelling
depleted
 as
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of factories
run
Correct pronoun usage
that run
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 on these resources
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
companies
Use synonyms
 which use excessive water,
one
Fix capitalization
One
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of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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example is Sunrise Soya Foods
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 uses water for tofu production. So in order to compensate for
this
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,
companies
Use synonyms
 need to indulge in
contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
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 to
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 sustainability programs.
Secondly
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, smoke emitted from factories
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to air pollution
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is not only
hatmful
Correct your spelling
harmful
 for humans but
also
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 for birds. If
companies
Use synonyms
fund
Use the right word
find
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 it difficult to control emissions of harmful particles, they need to invest in programs which
aids
Correct subject-verb agreement
aid
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 in reducing
Correct article usage
the effect
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effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 of these on living beings.
Furthermore
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,
companies
Use synonyms
 should
also
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 contribute
in
Change preposition
to
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 helping society as a moral duty. Following ethics should be the primary goal of each industry
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will eventually lead them to help destitute people and make society a better place for everyone.
For example
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, each year
Correct article usage
the Nestle
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Nestle
Correct your spelling
Nestlé
 company contributes 10% of their profits to child welfare. 
To conclude
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, I perceive that contributing to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 and society should be one of the goals of the company
in addition
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 to generating revenues
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will make
earth
Correct article usage
the earth
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 a better place for everyone.

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task response
Be clear on your view in the first line and keep it in every paragraph.
task response
Add a plan sentence in the start and a short recap in the end.
coherence
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and link ideas with simple words like and, but, so.
coherence
Check spelling and keep same form for ideas to avoid mix of ideas.
strength
You take a clear stand and give a reason.
strength
You add real world examples like a big food company.
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