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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people today find that the cost of attaining a university level education is extremely high for the students and their families. What are the causes for this situation, and how can governments, universities and the students themselves overcome the problem?

Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals find that the price of attaining a
Use synonyms
university level
Use the right word
university-level
show examples
 education is extremely high for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 and their families. There are several reasons for
this
Linking Words
 circumstance.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
Use synonyms
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
,
universities
Use synonyms
 and
students
Use synonyms
 can overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem by
doing
Verb problem
taking
show examples
 several actions.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the cost of
Use synonyms
university level
Use the right word
university-level
show examples
 education is excessively high
due to
Linking Words
 some
universities
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
live
show examples
 living
bad
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economically
show examples
situations
Correct word choice
disadvantaged situations
show examples
. First of all, the costs of
expends
Replace the word
expenses
show examples
 for the
students
Use synonyms
' needs are very expensive for the
universities
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
universities
Use synonyms
 cannot afford
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 and materials expands
Correct pronoun usage
which's
show examples
that's
Use the right word
that is
show examples
 why they want to expensive cost from
students
Use synonyms
 and their families.
In
Change preposition
Additionally
show examples
additionally
Linking Words
,
universities
Use synonyms
 aren't supported by
Use synonyms
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
. To
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
, most of the
Use synonyms
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 are just affording to
book's
Check wording
book
show examples
 prices for the
universities
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the other
expenditures
Use synonyms
 are forced to pay by
Use synonyms
universities
Correct article usage
the universities
show examples
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
. There are several solutions
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 overcome these problems.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some important
corporaitions
Correct your spelling
corporations
 may have
create
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
 new funds for supporting
Use synonyms
universities
Check wording
universities'
show examples
 budgets
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
, thus
show examples
, the costs of
attaining
Verb problem
attending
show examples
 a
university
Use synonyms
 may have decreased.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 can support
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
universities
Use synonyms
 in terms of affording to
expenditures
Use synonyms
 for the
students
Use synonyms
 and their families.
Also
Linking Words
,
faimilies
Correct your spelling
families
 can encourage their
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
 educational life in terms of paying
some
Change preposition
for some
show examples
 needs for their children.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 can support their
universities
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 reducing their
expenditures
Use synonyms
.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion, the costs of attaining
Use synonyms
university level
Use the right word
university-level
show examples
 education
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 excessively high
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 circumstance can be
solve
Wrong verb form
solved
show examples
with
Change preposition
if
show examples
 some corporations
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can
be supporting to
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
 the
universities
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the government can afford
student's
Check wording
students'
show examples
expenditures
Use synonyms
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
; thus
show examples
, the price of enrolling in
university
Use synonyms
 can be reduced.

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structure
Plan the essay: write about causes, then solutions, then a short ending.
language
Use clear and correct words; fix common mistakes like 'goverments' and 'faamilies'.
structure
Link ideas with easy words: 'First', 'Next', 'Also', 'However'.
content
Give one main idea per paragraph and add a small example.
language
Check spelling and grammar and make verb forms agree.
strength
Some ideas on causes and possible fixes are in the essay.
strength
The plan shows work from all groups: government, universities, families.
strength
There is a closing line that signals the end of essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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