The chart shows information about the actual and expected figures of populations in three cities, Jakarta, Sao Paulo and Shanghai.

The bar graph provides information about
present
Check wording
the population
show examples
for 1990 and forecasted number of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
citizens in
millions
Use synonyms
to 2000 in several cities(
Jakarta
Use synonyms
,
San
Correct your spelling
São
Paulo and
Shanghai
Use synonyms
).
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
all predictions were smaller than reality. Another striking feature is that, only in
Shanghai
Use synonyms
prognosis was
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worse than in the past. Looking at the details, as regards
Jakarta
Use synonyms
and
Use synonyms
Shanghai
Punctuation problem
Shanghai,
show examples
they have the same forecasts for around 10 million,
although
Linking Words
Shanghai
Use synonyms
in 1990 accounted for approximately 12.5
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
Jakarta
Use synonyms
only almost 10
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in 2000
Jakarta
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
population
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
Shanghai
Use synonyms
previously, but in
this
Linking Words
year
Shanghai
Use synonyms
witnessed
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
to 15
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, when it comes to
Sao
Correct your spelling
São
Paulo, it went in another direction.
Initially
Linking Words
, it had between 15 and 20
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people and had a prediction for more than 20
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it outnumbered all expectations and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the end of the period in question made up almost 25
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words millions, jakarta, shanghai with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: