In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

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Undoubtedly, shopping has morphed into a

hobby

in the past 10 years. Some believe that retail therapy is a way to help

people

release dopamine and get pleasure hormones. From my perspective, I strongly feel that shopping as a

hobby

is not a positive trend. One prime reason is the fact that shopping will cause pollution in the environment. Most brands make trends that make

people

buy them

instead

of classic items.

This

is not sustainable for the environment.

Moreover

, overconsumption is another major problem. As

people

purchase more products,

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

demands

Correct subject-verb agreement

demand

show examples

more resources from the planet. Because of

Covid-19

Correct your spelling

COVID-19

show examples

, online shopping

becomes

Wrong verb form

has become

show examples

a trend in society.

However

, online shipping makes pollution worse because of packing. As we unbox items, we throw away the boxes and they end up in landfills.

This

will damage the ecosystem as well.

In addition

, shopping as a

hobby

might become an addiction and cause financial problems. As you keep shopping, it becomes harder to stop. As a shopaholic, you will do impulse buying and waste a huge amount of money on it.

For example

, you spend $2,000 each week on shoes and clothes.

This

becomes $8,000 a month but you still have other financial responsibilities. If you are too into it, you could end up spending all your money on fashion stuff.

As a result

, you buy more,

then

you add extra stress to your life. In conclusion, even though

people

support shopping can be a

hobby

, I do believe that human nature will make

people

be carried away shopping and result in huge problems we could not tackle.

Submitted by nanami641003 on Wed Apr 13 2022

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task response

Ensure each paragraph clearly addresses the prompt and maintains a consistent argument throughout the essay. Focus on developing the main ideas and supporting them with relevant details and examples.

coherence cohesion

Improve the organization of the essay by including a clear introduction that previews the main points and a conclusion that summarizes the argument. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

consumerism
retail therapy
materialism
disposable income
economic growth
financial instability
environmental impact
social interaction
community building
emotional satisfaction
advertising influence
shopping habits

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