IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The line chart gives information about
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
many proportion of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 aged 65 and over in three different nations, over a period of 100 years, with the projection in 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 in
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 countries saw an upward trend throughout the period. The proportion of Japan was the lowest
at
Change preposition
of
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 all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it will surpass other countries, and
expect
Wrong verb form
is expected
show examples
 to become the biggest group
at the end
Linking Words
. In 1940, the population
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
aged and over in the USA was higher than that of Sweden, at 9% and 7%, respectively. Both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
two
Check wording
apply
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countries experienced an increased
trajectories
Fix the agreement mistake
trajectory
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 to 1980. The figure for Sweden overtook the USA at 15% in 2000,
while
Linking Words
 the USA remained stable at less than 15% between 1980 and 2020. In the projection,
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
groups
Correct word choice
older groups
show examples
elder
Check wording
apply
show examples
will
reaching in
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
 25% and 23% respectively. Moving to Japan, its population
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
aged 65 and over remained steady at below 5% between 1940 to 2000.
While
Linking Words
 Japan witnessed a dramatic increase in 2000,
and reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 27% in 2030 by surpassing
another
Use the right word
the other
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 two groups.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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