IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Famous people sometimes have problems because the media pay too muchattention to their private lives. Some people think newspapers should be allowedto publish information about them. Others disagree. Discuss both views and giveyour opinion.

People
Use synonyms
 hold different views about should the
media
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pay
Verb problem
should pay
show examples
 attention to the private information
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offamous
Correct your spelling
of famous
people
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?
While
Linking Words
 some believe that
newspapers
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 have the right to report the private
lives
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
offamous
Correct your spelling
of famous
people
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, others argue that famous
people
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also
Linking Words
 have the right to
privacy
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. In my view,
Isupport
Correct your spelling
I support
 that famous
Use synonyms
people'
Check wording
people's
show examples
 private information should be respected. Advocates of the view that
newspapers
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to report famous
Use synonyms
people'
Check wording
people's
show examples
 private
livesargue
Correct your spelling
lives argue
 that
this
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 can increase the sales of
newspapers
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 to satisfy the commercial demands, as
thegeneral
Correct your spelling
the general
 public is often
vary
Use the right word
very
show examples
 curious about the private
lives
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 of famous
people
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.
This
Linking Words
makesnewspapers
Correct your spelling
makes newspapers
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
focus mainly on the famous
people
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's private
lives
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 in order to attract readers
topurchase
Correct your spelling
to purchase
 their publications.
For example
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, many publishing houses will highlight the private
livesof
Correct your spelling
lives of
 famous
people
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on
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
newspapers
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,
such
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 as
romantic
Correct article usage
the romantic
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story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
 of famous
people
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, which can
greatlyattract
Correct your spelling
greatly attract
people
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 to purchase.
Therefore
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, publishing houses can achieve their profit goals
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way,thereby promoting the continuous development of
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media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 industry. From a different perspective,
however
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, some
people
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 argue that
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 should respect the
privacy
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
offamous
Correct your spelling
of famous
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,since the law
acknowledge
Correct subject-verb agreement
acknowledges
show examples
 that everyone has the right to
privacy
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, it
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
notallow
Correct your spelling
not allow
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
newspapers
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publish
Verb problem
to publish
show examples
 information about the
privacy
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 of famous
people
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.
Besides
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,
excessivemedia
Correct your spelling
excessive media
 attention to the private
lives
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 of famous
people
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 may have serious consequences. As
mediasexpose
Verb problem
the media exposes
show examples
 the private
lives
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 of famous
people
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 to the public, it may attract some crazy fans to
disturbtheir
Correct your spelling
disturb their
 private
lives
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.
This
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 may pose a threat to the safety of famous
people
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 and
theirfamilies
Correct your spelling
their families
.
For example
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, many stars have experienced
that
Check wording
situations that
show examples
 were followed by crazy fans, which
hasseriously
Correct your spelling
seriously
 endangered their personal safety.
As a result
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,
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
 pay more attention to
Correct your spelling
the'
famouspeople'
Check wording
famouspeople
show examples
privacy
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 not only against the law but
also
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make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 a negative impact on the normal
lives
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
offamous
Correct your spelling
of famous
people
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, which may lead to reducing the professionalism of the
newspapers
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. In conclusion, both sides present reasonable arguments regarding the issue of famous
Use synonyms
people'sprivacy
Correct your spelling
privacy
 being exposed by the
media
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.
However
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, I believe that
newspapers
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 should focus on
thework
Correct your spelling
the work
 and contributions of famous
people
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 rather than
private
Correct pronoun usage
their private
show examples
lives
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, as
this
Linking Words
 approach offers
moresustainable
Correct your spelling
more sustainable
 and practical benefits in the long term.

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structure
Plan your essay with four clear parts: intro, two body parts, and conclusion. State your view in the first or second sentence.
style
Use short, clear sentences. Break long ideas into two or three small lines.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea and a clear link to the next.
content
Give more real and clear examples to back up your point.
grammar
Check spelling and small grammar errors, and use correct spaces between words.
content
The essay shows both sides and ends with a clear view.
structure
There are good linking words like however and for example.
tone
The tone is easy to read and simple in style.
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