These days, in some countries, an increasing number of young adults are choosing to spend their whole weekend inside their own homes. Why do you think this is happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

There is an ongoing debate about young
adults
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who prefer to spend their weekends inside their own homes
instead
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of outside.
While
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some argue that spending time with yourself notably leads to a beneficial effect in order to consider and understand who you are, others contend that
this
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situation is not only increasing
stress
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levels
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but
also
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diminishing social skills. I totally agree with the latter idea.
This
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essay will prove
this
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point of view with the help of examples and provide a logical conclusion. One compelling argument is that
socializing
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socialising
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obviously plays a vital role so as to decrease
stress
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levels
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.
Thus
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, it influences individuals’ lives, from their
behaviors
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behaviours
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to potential diseases. Despite a huge group of young
adults
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who do not want to leave their homes and associate
this
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decision with their exhaustion, research undoubtedly indicates the opposite.
For example
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, scientists observe two young
adults
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. One of them, who spends his weekend at
home
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, shows critically high hormone
levels
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which
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, which
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are related to cancer or heart disease
due to
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stress
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levels
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.
Moreover
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, other young
adults
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who attempt to
socialize
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socialise
show examples
are more satisfied and feel notably more energetic over time in comparison with
another individual
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other individuals
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.
On the other hand
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, some people believe that staying at
home
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is quite normal on weekends since most young
adults
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begin to work at these ages and they are not used to working during the whole weekday.
In addition
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, they cannot stay alone, which suggests that they demand to be on their own after seeing myriad people at work.
Moreover
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, there are a lot of devices which support
socializing
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socialising
show examples
at
home
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,
such
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as PlayStation, laptops, or Xbox.
Consequently
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, young
adults
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who have been raised in technological decades can prefer to stay at
home
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instead
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of going outside.
To conclude
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,
although
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an increasing number of young
adults
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want to stay at
home
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during the whole weekend,
socializing
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socialising
show examples
with others plays a more crucial role in reducing
stress
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and improving communication skills.
Therefore
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, spending time outside with other people can be considered a healthier lifestyle for young
adults
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.

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task response
Task response: You answer both parts of the task, but the first part is not fully clear. You say why some young adults stay home, but this part needs more detail and stronger reasons.
task response
Task response: Your opinion is clear, and you keep it through the essay. This is good. Still, some ideas are too general, so the answer does not feel fully developed.
task response
Task response: Your example about stress and health is interesting, but it feels a bit unreal and not fully explained. Use a more simple and real example.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a clear basic structure with introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some linking words are used well, like 'On the other hand' and 'To conclude'. But sometimes the flow is not smooth because some sentences are too long or not easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The second body paragraph is not fully linked to your main opinion. It explains the other side, but it should connect more clearly to your view and the task question.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some points need more support. For example, the idea about devices at home is relevant, but you need to show more clearly how this causes young adults to stay inside all weekend.
task response
Task response: You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
Task response: You discuss both why this is happening and whether it is good or bad.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay is divided into clear paragraphs, and this is helpful.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The conclusion gives a clear final answer.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social isolation
  • economic factors
  • streaming services
  • digital interaction
  • solitary activities
  • cost of living
  • health concerns
  • urban lifestyle
  • entertainment options
  • safety measures
  • home-based gatherings
  • digital natives
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