IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In past, people wear clothes that shows their culture. Nowadays people like to wear common clothes worldwide. Is this a positive or negative development?

Back
then
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 wore
clothes
Use synonyms
 that reflected their cultural heritage. But now,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to wear
clothes
Use synonyms
 that are popular worldwide.
While
Linking Words
 others think that
people
Use synonyms
 lost their identity, I believe that
people
Use synonyms
 shifted towards
comfort
Use synonyms
 and
versatileness
Replace the word
versatility
show examples
,
consequently
Linking Words
, representing it
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
positive development. I think
this
Linking Words
 trend is a positive development for certain compelling reasons. One of them is that
people
Use synonyms
 have chosen
clothes
Use synonyms
 that suit their preferences in terms of
comfort
Use synonyms
. In comparison to casual
clothes
Use synonyms
, cultural garments are uncomfortable to put
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on and keep wearing them on a daily basis. Because they are mostly made of non-breathable fabric and require careful cleaning,
while
Linking Words
 casual
clothes
Use synonyms
 are easy to clean and made of modern materials.
Additionally
Linking Words
, modern
clothes
Use synonyms
 are more versatile than traditional garments. Today,
people
Use synonyms
daily
Rephrase
apply
show examples
visit different places and participate in a wide variety of events.
This
Linking Words
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 not only
comfort
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
versatileness
Replace the word
versatility
show examples
 of cloth.
For example
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of changing from one look to another, individuals prefer to choose one look for a day and easily move to a lot of destinations.
Because national
Change preposition
National
show examples
clothes
Use synonyms
 can be used only during national holidays to reflect the national identity.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 gives them
minimalistic
Correct article usage
a minimalistic
show examples
 view,
as well as
Linking Words
elegant
Correct article usage
an elegant
show examples
 look. Even though traditional dresses have beautiful and attractive
design
Fix the agreement mistake
designs
show examples
, recent taste in fashion makes
people
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
choose more minimalistic
design
Fix the agreement mistake
designs
show examples
. In conclusion, in recent decades,
people
Use synonyms
's preferences
changed
Verb problem
have changed
show examples
 towards national
clothes
Use synonyms
 to modern garments. I hold the view that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development, since casual
clothes
Use synonyms
 offer
comfort
Use synonyms
 and
versatileness
Replace the word
versatility
show examples
, rather than
time consuming
Use the right word
time-consuming
show examples
 cleaning and one-time use.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you give your opinion from the start. To get a higher score, explain your ideas more fully and add one more strong reason.
task response
For task response, your example is a bit general. Try to give a more real and clear example from daily life or one country.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear intro, body, and conclusion. This is good. To improve, link some ideas more smoothly and avoid very long sentences.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some parts are hard to follow because of word choice and grammar, such as 'representing it a positive development'. Use shorter and simpler sentence forms.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, paragraph 2 and 3 stay on topic, but some points repeat the same idea about comfort. Add a different support point or develop one point more deeply.
task response
For task response, you answer the question directly and clearly say this is a positive development.
task response
For task response, both body paragraphs support your main view with relevant ideas: comfort and ease for daily life.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay is organized into clear paragraphs with an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use linking words like 'Additionally', 'For example', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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