Some countries, online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

In contemporary society, there is
ongoing
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an ongoing
show examples
debate
whether
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about whether
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online markets are better or traditional trade is more beneficial.
While
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many people
advantage
Verb problem
prefer
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online
shops
Use synonyms
, I firmly believe that offline store has several benefits. On the one hand, online
shops
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have a number of
chance
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chances
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for
customers
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. First and foremost, online markets can support their buyers in any condition
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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as rainy or snowy
weathers
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weather
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. Because
customers
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may order by their phones
as well as
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supermarket service of
supermarket
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supermarkets
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deliver their purchases
in
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at
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this
Linking Words
time.
For instance
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,
"UZUM.uz"
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the "UZUM.uz"
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platform has a lot of
customers
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because of its comfortable service. On top of that, buyers may buy
latest
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the latest
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fashion clothes without extra
efforts
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effort
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. Simple because people can reserve any
products
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from their home. On the other
hands
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hand
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, notwithstanding the aforementioned benefits, I maintain that traditional markets are more beneficial
rather
Rephrase
apply
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than online
shops
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.
Firstly
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, individuals not only can choose
them
Correct pronoun usage
what they
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want, but
also
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they try clothes on themselves.
Apart from
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this
Linking Words
,
customers
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can purchase valuable
products
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from
local
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the local
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marketplace
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
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they can low original price of
products
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.
As a result
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, buyers may own
less price
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lower-priced
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but high-quality
products
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. In conclusion,
although
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online
shops
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are
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
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, I strongly believe that traditional stores are more valuable
as well as
Linking Words
useful for people.

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task response
Give a more clear answer from the start. Say if this change is good or bad in a direct way.
task response
Add one more clear reason for your main view, and explain each reason more.
task response
Use a real and simple example to support your ideas. One example is not enough.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph stay on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts now are hard to follow.
task response
You answered both sides and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used one example to support your point.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unparalleled convenience
  • remote areas
  • wide range of products
  • broad selection
  • price comparison
  • customer satisfaction
  • value for money
  • impact on local businesses
  • economic diversity
  • job losses
  • environmental implications
  • packaging waste
  • carbon emissions
  • carbon footprint
  • data privacy
  • cybersecurity
  • personal data
  • tactile shopping experience
  • immediate gratification
  • physically examined
  • robust measures
  • consumer information
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