IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Most schools offer some type of physical education program to their students. Why is it important? Should physical education classes be required or optional?

Physical
education
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programs
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 are offered by most schools
aiming
Punctuation problem
, aiming
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 to improve
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students
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students'
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 skills.
While
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 some people strongly claim that fitness classes should be provided as an option to
students
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, others can really understand
its
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their
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 importance and argue that it should be compulsory for children at school.
This
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 essay will discuss why physical
education
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 is essential to a child’s development because it contributes to both their physical and mental health
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as
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, as
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 well as teaching them important skills.
Students
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 attending physical
education
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programs
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 at schools enhance their
wellbeing
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well-being
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.
Firstly
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, fitness
programs
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 can contribute meaningfully to the improvement of
student’s
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students’
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 physical health as sports and movement from the lessons can assist in weight loss and body muscle gain.
Secondly
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,
students
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 may use
this
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 program as a way to relieve their stress caused by exams and homework and in consequence, improve their mental health and social skills significantly.
In addition
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, the rise of positive hormones
to
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in
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 a student's brain
while
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practicing
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practising
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 a sport might play a vital part
to
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in
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 positively
influence
Wrong verb form
influencing
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 their mood, sleep and attention. A case in point is serotonin. There is a discussion over whether these physical
education
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programs
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 should be compulsory or optional. Hopefully, these
programs
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 would be offered to
students
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 as required and implemented in their timetable at least once a week. Inevitably, most
students
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 do not have the possibility to practice any sport and exercise during non-school hours,
hence
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 it might be a great opportunity to increase their physical and mental welfare
while
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 they are playing a sport.
To conclude
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, physical
education
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 programmes are essential to support
students
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 in their development stage. Children can reduce their stress levels
as well as
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 lose weight
while
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 they are
socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
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 with their peers in a sports programme. Schools should consider implementing physical
education
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 as part of their compulsory curriculum.

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task response
Answer both questions more directly. You explain why PE is important well, but your view on required or optional should be more clear from the start and in each main part.
task response
Add one more clear and real example. The essay has ideas, but it needs a stronger example to fully support them.
task response
Develop each main idea a little more. Some points are good, but a few are still general and need deeper explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To improve more, make the link between ideas smoother with simple linking words used carefully.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with reference words and sentence flow. A few sentences are long or slightly awkward, so the message is not always fully smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each sentence or group of sentences. This will make your argument easier to follow.
task response
You answer the topic and stay on it all the way through the essay.
task response
Your opinion is clear in the end: PE should be required in school.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like Firstly, Secondly, In addition, and To conclude to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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