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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Robots‌ ‌can‌ ‌free‌ ‌people‌ ‌from‌ ‌difficult‌ ‌and‌ ‌dangerous‌ ‌work.‌ ‌However,‌ ‌some‌ ‌people‌ ‌are‌ ‌worried‌ ‌about‌ ‌the‌ ‌possible‌ ‌dangers‌ ‌robots‌ ‌may‌ ‌create. Discuss‌ ‌the‌ ‌benefits‌‌ ‌of‌ ‌using‌ ‌robots‌ ‌and‌ ‌the‌ ‌‌possible‌ ‌dangers‌‌ ‌associated with ‌them.‌ ‌

Nowadays, many
people
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 are using
robots
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 in daily life than
the
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in the
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 past
especially
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, especially
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 in high-risk
environment
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environments
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such
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 as
factory
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factories
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 and
surgery
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room
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rooms
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. Even though adapting
robots
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 may prevent
people
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 from
considerable
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a considerable
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 amount of difficulties, some
people
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 believe they can bring more severe problems to society.
This
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 essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of
this
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 trend. One major advantage of
utilizing
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utilising
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robots
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 is that they can improve
accuracy
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the accuracy
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 of work.
For example
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, when a patient needs
surgery
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 which is quite complicated, the whole
surgery
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 process can be affected by
doctor's
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the doctor's
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 conditions and skills.
However
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, if
people
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 put
robots
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instead
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 of doctors, they would accomplish surgeries without many variations.
On the contrary
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, inducing
robots
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 may be controversial because their performance can be
out of
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beyond
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 human
value
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values
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. In general,
people
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 invent
robots
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 and put ideal
process
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processes
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,
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;
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however
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, it is difficult to trust
robot
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the robot
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 itself.
For example
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, especially when they are dealing with
human's
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a human's
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 life, they can decide there's
low
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a low
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possibilty
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possibility
 of revival and try another method
,
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;
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however
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however,
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 doctors can try what they believe, and succeed
a
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in a
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surgery
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.  In conclusion,
although
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 using
robots
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several
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has several
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 benefits, it
also
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 has some drawbacks.
Overall
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, both aspects should be carefully considered.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about good and bad points, but the bad side needs a clearer danger and more support.
task response
Use clearer main ideas in each body part. Start each part with one simple point, then explain it, then give one example.
task response
Give more direct examples. The surgery example is useful, but it needs clearer detail about how robots help and how they may cause harm.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas smoother. Use simple words like First, Also, However, and As a result.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Keep sentence order simple: main idea first, then reason, then example.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and grammar because unclear wording can hurt flow and make the reader stop.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and keep to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs for good points and bad points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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