there has been an icrease in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children at home instead of sending them to school.The advantages of this outweight the disadvantage

Nowadays, there has been a significant increase in the number of
parents
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who are choosing to
educat
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educate
their
children
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at
home
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instead
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of sending them to school. There are advantages to
this
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, and
also
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disadvantages.
For example
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, when
clan
Correct article usage
a clan
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application
at
Verb problem
is at
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apartment
Correct article usage
the apartment
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, it is a great way to communicate with
parents
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, which is a plus. But there are
also
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minuses,
such
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as being isolated from
friends
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, less communication, and pressure. I think the disadvantages of
this
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outweigh the advantages. Studying at
home
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has advantages
such
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as saving time and
also
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safety. When
children
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have leisure time, they can communicate with their
parents
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and speak with their
parents
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.
Children
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have extra time to improve communication with
parents
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, and they have to study all subjects at
home
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.
Secondly
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, homeschooling has no bullying, which is an increasing problem every year. At
home
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, students are safe and feel comfortable. They do not have to worry about bullying.
Children
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can be more comfortable and feel safe and happy
while
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learning something,
such
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as learning a foreign language.
However
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, there are a lot of disadvantages.
For example
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, when
children
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study at
home
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, there is stress and less communication with
friends
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, as they do not have
friends
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. It is an isolated world, and
children
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may not have confidence or may not speak around people because they do not have experience. They do not have the chance to talk to people or give presentations,
therefore
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,
this
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can make them shy and nervous when they meet new people. Learning to communicate with other people is an essential part of life. I think
parents
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should create opportunities for their group to course at academy. It is very necessary for kids. When
children
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talk to their
friends
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, they learn how to speak in front of
community
Correct article usage
a community
show examples
. School helps them.
Therefore
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,
parents
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must create opportunities for their ancestors to
examination
Wrong verb form
be examined
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at school. In conclusion,
parents
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play a role in their
children
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's lives, and
parents
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must create opportunities for their
ancestry
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children
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. In the future,
children
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can become great doctors, professors, or teachers if
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parents
Correct determiner usage
their parents
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support them.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say from the start why the bad points are stronger than the good points.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph for good points, one paragraph for bad points, and explain each point more.
task response
Give real and clear examples. Some examples in your essay are hard to understand or not linked well to home study.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Write a stronger conclusion. Repeat your opinion and the main reasons in a short clear way.
task response
You answered both sides of the topic and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some clear linking words like however, secondly, and therefore.
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