IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems, Sugar products should be made more expensive to encourgae people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

No doubt ,
Food
Use synonyms
 and drinks are basic needs of everyone's life .
Health
Use synonyms
 problems are occures by eating most of the manufactured
food
Use synonyms
 and drink
products
Use synonyms
 that contain high
level
Check wording
levels
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
. I
am
Verb problem
apply
show examples
strongly agree that
items
Use synonyms
 that contain
sugar
Use synonyms
 should
me
Verb problem
be
show examples
 made more expensive to influence
people
Use synonyms
 to consume less
sugar
Use synonyms
. First of all,
diabeties
Correct your spelling
diabetes
 problems are
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 problem that occur to everyone
due to
Linking Words
 the high level of
sugar
Use synonyms
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
.
People
Use synonyms
 prefer to eat
that
Check wording
those products that
show examples
Use synonyms
products which is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not costly
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they
are
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
regularly
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
 without hesitation.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Some
Fix capitalization
some
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 cannot afford expensive
products
Use synonyms
 . If
sugar
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 costly
prices
Punctuation problem
prices,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they will definitely avoid the purchase of these
products
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will
also
Linking Words
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 to improve their
health
Use synonyms
 issues.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, on any Festivals, most of the
seller
Fix the agreement mistake
sellers
show examples
 give
discount
Check wording
discounts
show examples
 on
food
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items
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to buy these
products
Use synonyms
 because they
always
Verb problem
are always
show examples
 waiting for these sales
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they cannot spend money on
products
Use synonyms
 and eat sweets without any expense.
For example
Linking Words
, On diwali festival ,
people
Use synonyms
 mostly exchange sweets with their relatives and friends .
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days ,
Government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should raise the price of every single
product of
Correct word order
food and drink product
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks. So, Individuals can avoid the purchase of
high
Correct word choice
high-sugar-level
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 levels
items
Use synonyms
. In Conclusion,
Government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
seminars to individuals to avoid the habits of
high level
Correct your spelling
high-level
sugar
Use synonyms
 objects .
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Every
Fix capitalization
every
show examples
 year doctors should
also
Linking Words
organize a
Change the spelling
organise
show examples
 awareness camps
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 eating habits to overcome
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 problems.

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task response
Write your main idea in a more clear way in each body part.
task response
Add one or two simple and clear examples that directly show why high sugar price can help health.
task response
Stay on one main point in each part and explain it more.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like first, also, for example, and in conclusion in a correct way.
coherence and cohesion
Make your sentences connect more smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat. Try not to say the same point again.
task response
You gave a clear opinion: you agree with higher prices for sugar products.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to use an example about a festival to support your idea.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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