IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

society is experiencing an increase in many problems such as crime and drug abuse due to urbanization. Give some suggestions to control this trend?

There is no denying the fact that crime and
drug
Use synonyms
 abuse
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a global puzzle that affects many countries. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
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 the relationship between crime and
drug
Use synonyms
 abuse
to urbanization
Correct word choice
and urbanisation
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, and how we can resolve
this
Linking Words
 challenge.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, no doubt that
modernization
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modernisation
show examples
 has a very positive effect when it comes to improving the quality of life for individuals by offering a high- salary jobs.
However
Linking Words
, it has many drawbacks
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 society.
In other words
Linking Words
, parents who are working in corporate with prestigious jobs will spend most of their time far away from their
children
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means they can not control what the
children
Use synonyms
 do, and with
who
Correct pronoun usage
whom
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, which
expose
Correct subject-verb agreement
exposes
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 the
children
Use synonyms
 to the risk of bad habits like
beign
Correct your spelling
being
drug
Use synonyms
 abusers and thieves. The solution is, trying to
safe
Use the right word
save
show examples
 the new generation is much more important than old people.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, saving the generation from the bad habits is a country’s concern because today
children
Use synonyms
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tomorrow’s leaders.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
If
Fix capitalization
if
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 we apply the
work life
Correct your spelling
work-life
 balance concept for those parents and try to make them spend more time with their
children
Use synonyms
,
in
Change preposition
as a
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 result,
will
Correct pronoun usage
it will
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 solve the root cause
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the problem and it will protect the country’s future as well. In conclusion, no doubt that the number of criminals and people with
drug
Use synonyms
 addiction is increasing around the world, so it is a real threat to all societies, and because of that, quick and right actions are needed.

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task response
Answer the full question more directly. Give two or three clear ways to control the problem, not only one main way.
task response
Make your ideas more clear. Some parts are hard to follow, like the link between city growth and crime. Explain this step by step.
task response
Use simple, real examples to support your points. For example, talk about school help, police work, or free sport centers.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. But each body paragraph should have one main idea only.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some are used too much or not in the best place.
coherence cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because some sentences are too long and this hurts flow.
coherence cohesion
You clearly introduce the topic and give a short ending.
task response
You stay on the general topic of crime, drugs, and city life.
task response
You give one clear solution: parents should spend more time with children.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • community policing
  • youth programs
  • education systems
  • economic disparity
  • criminal activities
  • drug rehabilitation
  • substance abuse
  • urban planning
  • public spaces
  • mental health services
  • legal ramifications
What to do next:
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