Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation. Do you agree or disagree?

Since only some named
artists
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succeed in
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art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
industry
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, it is often argued that governments should take action to reduce unbalanced success. I disagree
to
Change preposition
with
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this
Linking Words
view because aesthetics
based
Verb problem
is based
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on
peoples'
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people's
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subjective preference, which may not be controlled by
system
Correct article usage
the system
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. One main reason is that
art
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is
criticized
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criticised
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with many subjective standards by eminent
artists
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and individuals, so it would be uneasy for governments to build systems. It would be controversial if
government
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the government
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restrict
Wrong verb form
restricted
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artists
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' earnings without considering
artists
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' talent.
For example
Linking Words
, if talented
artists
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can not be rewarded properly, and junior artist paid with similar
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
, it would be a reverse discrimination. Another reason is that it can discourage
whole
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the whole
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art
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industry
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within the country. If
artists
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believe they can not get paid
enough
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apply
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as much as they performed, they may feel less
engaging
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engaged
than before.
In addition
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, many young
artists
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who want to be successful
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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as their role
models
Punctuation problem
models,
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would
be
Correct word order
also be
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also
Linking Words
discouraged.
Thus
Linking Words
,
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art
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the art
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industry
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can be reduced by the regulation. In conclusion, I disagree with
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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control in rewarding
artist
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artists
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because
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art
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the art
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industry
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consists of
institution
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institutions
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, not measurable standards.
Also
Linking Words
, it can prevent
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art
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the art
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industry
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from developing and improving by discouraging
artists
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.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Put the first sentence in a very direct way.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some parts are hard to follow because the grammar is not smooth.
task achievement
Give one more clear and real example to support your ideas.
task achievement
Explain your opinion more fully. Some ideas are good, but they need one more step of detail.
task achievement
You gave a clear opinion from the start and kept it to the end.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your second main point about less drive for artists is relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • income disparity
  • struggling artists
  • market demand
  • public preference
  • government support
  • grants
  • funding
  • exhibitions
  • cultural wealth
  • societal benefits
  • market dynamics
  • government intervention
  • art market
  • public taste
  • private investment
  • balanced artistic community
  • financial assistance
  • creative industry
  • artistic merit
  • economic sustainability
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