In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Nowadays,
people
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would like to own a
house
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rather than rent a flat. Have owners achieved benefits from
this
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? In my opinion, someone who owns a
house
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has economic freedom.
Therefore
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, it could help to improve their mental health.
Whereas
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,
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the world has become more complex. For that reason,
people
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need many requirements which make their lives easier.
Consequently
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, renting is chosen by some
people
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.
On the other hand
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, if you have a home, you don't need to pay a monthly rent.
Moreover
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, when the rental fee fluctuates, you can face that situation easily.
Likewise
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, the property has a value which increases year by year.
Therefore
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, we can have financial stability. For that reason,
people
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can face any crisis situation. As an example, Sri Lanka faced an economic crisis in 2023.
Whereas
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, some
people
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who had property sold it in order to move abroad.
Furthermore
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, can anyone buy a
house
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? In the past two decades, the population has risen significantly.
Consequently
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, the world has been facing massive increases in property prices.
Although
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,
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if young
people
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want to buy a
house
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, they should focus on their economic level.
Whereas
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, these days,
people
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buy properties without considering their financial stability.
As a result
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, they are facing housing loans, which are one of the main problems that lower their economic level. In conclusion, in my opinion, owning a
house
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is an essential requirement for
people
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to improve their quality of life.
Furthermore
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, they can handle any difficult situation with financial and mental freedom.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say why people want to own a home, and say more clearly if this is positive or negative.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Some parts move from owning to renting and this makes the line of thought less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. Start each body paragraph with one direct main point.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are good, but they need one more sentence to show how or why.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with linking words like whereas, although, and therefore. Sometimes they are not used in the right way.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the end that owning a house is important.
task response
You include an example about Sri Lanka, which helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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