IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Is owning a
home
Use synonyms
 more important than renting one for
people
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?
Although
Linking Words
 some
people
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 have a
home
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, they prefer to live in rented
houses
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 because of
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
show examples
, which makes it easy to access their requirements
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as schools, supermarkets, and hospitals. In my opinion, owning a
home
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 provides many benefits compared to renting a
home
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.
People
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 want economic freedom, which is very important for our mental
health
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. A person who lives in their own
home
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 does not need to pay any rent, and
this
Linking Words
 is a huge help in improving mental
health
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. Another advantage is that if
people
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 live in their own
home
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, they can
minimize
Change the spelling
minimise
show examples
 disturbances to their private
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the vast majority of
people
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 would love to live their lives without disturbances. A private
home
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 plays a significant role
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
people
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 are seeking a free and comfortable life. In Sri Lanka, about 90
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of
people
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 own their
homes
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. Owning
homes
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 improves family bonds because
people
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 can spend more time together without interference from others. In the past, before
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
show examples
,
people
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 lived in their own private
homes
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, which helped to reduce a complex lifestyle compared with nowadays.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if
people
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 live in rented
houses
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, they must pay rent regularly. Nowadays, with a complex lifestyle,
people
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 need a lot of money to meet their requirements. When
people
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 suffer from an economic crisis, their mental
health
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 may be affected negatively.
People
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 who live in their own
homes
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 can
minimize
Change the spelling
minimise
show examples
 their expenses compared with
people
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 who live in rented
houses
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, sometimes
people
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 benefit from living in rented
houses
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 because of
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
 and
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
show examples
, as
people
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 may want to achieve their needs more quickly rather than focus on mental
health
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 and economic freedom.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say why home ownership is important, and then give a clear view: positive, negative, or both.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task response
Use examples that directly support your point. Your Sri Lanka example is helpful, but it needs a clearer link to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Write a short final paragraph that clearly repeats your opinion.
task response
Some ideas are repeated, like mental health and money. Add one or two new points instead of saying the same idea again.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some links are good, but a few ideas change too fast, especially in the last paragraph.
task response
You give a clear main opinion that owning a home has more benefits.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic structure with an introduction and body paragraphs.
task response
You use some clear topic words like rent, urbanization, and mental health.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is mostly easy to follow from start to end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
What to do next:
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