IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Parents should encourage their children to spend less time studying, and more time doing sports/physical activities. Do you agree or disagree

Nowadays,
parents
Use synonyms
 play an important role in guiding their
children
Use synonyms
’s lifestyle. Some people believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should reduce their
children
Use synonyms
's study
time
Use synonyms
 and encourage more physical
activities
Use synonyms
. I partly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because it may limit
children
Use synonyms
's freedom to manage their own
time
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should guide their
children
Use synonyms
 on how to balance their daily lives
instead
Linking Words
 of restricting their choices. They should help them focus on what they are truly interested in.
For example
Linking Words
, if a child enjoys studying and learning new things,
parents
Use synonyms
 should encourage them to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 developing their knowledge. At the same
time
Use synonyms
, they can teach them how to maintain a healthy balance between study and other
activities
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 should learn to understand themselves from a young age.
This
Linking Words
 allows them to explore their interests and develop their personalities.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
 try different
activities
Use synonyms
, they can discover what is beneficial for their future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, giving
children
Use synonyms
 some freedom helps them build confidence and independence. In conclusion, I partly disagree that
parents
Use synonyms
 should always reduce study
time
Use synonyms
 and focus mainly on physical
activities
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 sports are important,
children
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 have the freedom to choose their own path with guidance from their
parents
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main answer more clear from the start. You say partly disagree, but your reason is mostly about freedom, not about study and sport time in a full way.
task response
Add one more clear idea about why sport can be good or why too much study can be bad. This will make your answer feel more complete.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. Your example is general, so it does not strongly support your point.
task response
Link your ideas more directly to the question in each body paragraph. Some parts talk about freedom in general, not the full topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that match your main answer more closely. This will help the reader follow your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need more support and detail. Try to explain each main point one step more.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words like firstly, secondly, at the same time, and therefore are good, but make sure each one connects a clear step in your idea.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear position: partly disagree.
task response
Your ideas are easy to understand most of the time.
task response
You include an example in the first body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized into introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion clearly repeats your main view.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: