IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that modern technology makes people feel more lonely, while others argue that it helps us stay more connected with each other. ​Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. ​Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In contemporary society, there is an ongoing debate about whether modern
technology
Use synonyms
 creates more lonely conditions associated with us or
they depend us to itself
Correct word order
it depends on us
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 some believe that
technology
Use synonyms
 makes
people
Use synonyms
more lonely fellings
Replace the word
feel lonelier
, I firmly believe that it can make us more connected. ​Admittedly,
Technology
Use synonyms
 is causing several unexpected situations. First and foremost, many children are interested in modern gadgets.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they may be disconnected from their surroundings.
Moreover
Linking Words
, by over-using diffunt
technology
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as smartphone, laptop, teenagers may prefer to live in a virtual world rather than the real world.
As a result
Linking Words
, they would be isolate and they can lose communication with their friends. ​Despite the factors mentioned above, I strongly trust that
technology
Use synonyms
is depending
Wrong verb form
depends
show examples
 on us to itself.
Firstly
Linking Words
, most individuals can not implement any work without these modern devices. simple because
technology
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 allow to
people
Use synonyms
 to cruate breakout discoveries.
For example
Linking Words
, with new technologies, America is advantaged in each field too , especially in the education area
,
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 country can achieve a number of successes
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, every action is dependent on it. Because they would be busy with these devices. ​In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 makes us more alone, individuals life is associated with technoli I am of the opinion that perhaps
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 whole life of individuals is associated with
technology
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, breakout
technology
Use synonyms
 is appreciated by
people
Use synonyms
 not only elderly
people
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 youths.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why tech makes people lonely, and why it helps people stay close.
task response
Give your own view in a simple and clear way, and keep the same view through the whole essay.
task response
Use one clear example for each main idea. Your example about America is not very clear or close to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph stay on one main point only.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, as a result, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence follows the one before it. Some parts change topic too fast.
task response
You answered the question and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words such as although, first and foremost, moreover, and as a result.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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