IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The media should include more positive stories and reduce reporting of crimes andviolence. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Recently, whether the
media
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 should publish more positive stories
instead
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 of focusing heavily on
crime
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 and violent
events
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 has become a controversial issue. Some people argue that
this
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 approach can help create a more optimistic social atmosphere and reduce unnecessary fear among the public,
while
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 others believe that news
reports
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 should reflect reality,even when it is unpleasant.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and explain why I believe factual reporting is more appropriate. Those who advocate
of
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for
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 less reporting of
crime
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 and violence claim that the positive stories can lead to
safe
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a safe
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 and lively social atmosphere.Because
constant
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of constant
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 exposure to negative
events
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 , the level of public anxiety may increase and make people feel that society is more dangerous than fact.
By contrast
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,
reports
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 about kindness, success, or social progress can inspire hope and improve people’s confidence in the community.What is more,especially for teenagers,they might be
motivate
Wrong verb form
motivated
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 by positive
media
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 coverage, which can be helpful for them to enhance moral awareness and shape proper values.
Therefore
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,
media
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 should tend to
fouce
Correct your spelling
focus
 positive
energry ranther
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energy rather
 than crimes and violence. From a different perspective,people who oppose the untruthful coverage argue that
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 should have the
rights
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right
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 to know about all
events
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.The irresponsible
reports
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 can
creat
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create
 a fake social environment for citizens,no concern about
actual
Correct article usage
the actual
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 problem,which will reduce people’s ability to protect themselves from potential dangers.
For instance
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,
reports
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 about rising
crime
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 rates or violent incidents can alert citizens to risks and encourage the
goverment
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government
 to take action.
In addition
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, the attention of
crime
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 and violent
events
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 can
can
Remove the redundancy
apply
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contribute to the improvement of laws and policies, thereby creating a safer social environment.
Overall
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,
although
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 reporting positive news may to some extent create
a
Correct article usage
an
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 upbeat social atmosphere ,the right to be informed should not be ignored.Compared with limits on
media
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 coverage,
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 practical actions to reduce
crime
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 should be a higher priority.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you will discuss both views, but your own side should be very easy to see in the first part and stay the same all through the essay.
task response
Answer the question more directly. The task asks 'to what extent do you agree or disagree', so you should give a strong clear answer, not only discuss both sides.
task response
Add one more clear and real example to support each main idea. This will make your points stronger and more full.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are good, but a few parts are hard to follow because of grammar and word choice problems. Keep one main idea in each sentence and link it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Words like 'therefore', 'by contrast', and 'in addition' are good, but some sentences need better flow and clearer links.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphing is good, but topic sentences can be more exact. Start each body paragraph with one very clear main point.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear essay shape with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You cover both sides of the topic, so the reader can see the full issue.
task response
Your conclusion gives your final view and ends the essay in a clear way.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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