IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

Most people think that the primary aim of
science
Use synonyms
 should be to improve human
life
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I fully agree with
this
Linking Words
 view.
However
Linking Words
, I think
science
Use synonyms
 should go beyond
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human benefits and address environmental challenges and include the protection of endangered species. Undoubtedly, the scientific world is changing rapidly
due to
Linking Words
 the advancement of technology. Now,
science
Use synonyms
 is developing medicines that
not
Verb problem
are not
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 only effective
to control
Change preposition
in controlling
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 diseases but
also
Linking Words
 help to improve their
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the Covid pandemic, scientists developed
Use synonyms
life saving
Correct your spelling
life-saving
 vaccines
such
Linking Words
 as
mRNA based
Correct your spelling
mRNA-based
 shots, which plays crucial role in saving millions of people worldwide and reduced illness to a great extent.
This
Linking Words
 clearly shows
that
Correct word choice
apply
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how scientific
research
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 contributing to
save
Wrong verb form
saving
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 human beings.
Moreover
Linking Words
, modern technology has significantly
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 the
individuals
Check wording
individual's
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 quality of
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, advancements in dermatology,
such
Linking Words
 as Botox injections and laser treatment, allow individuals to enhance their appearance, boost their self-confidence and feel confident in their own skin.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
science
Use synonyms
 is expanding
research
Use synonyms
 through space, which will benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future generations. Now, researchers are doing
research
Use synonyms
 on the Mars planet, which will make
human's
Check wording
human
show examples
 survival possible on
this
Linking Words
 planet, same like as Earth. Despite
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
life
Use synonyms
,
science
Use synonyms
 should focus on addressing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental concerns
such
Linking Words
 as pollution and global warming. Nowadays, non-renewable resources are depleting quickly, and it took hundred of years to develop again. Scientists should promote the non-renewable energy sources
such
Linking Words
 as solar, wind and thermal energy, which are
budget friendly
Correct your spelling
budget-friendly
 and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to reduce the carbon emissions from the environment. Another point is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 genetic
research
Use synonyms
 and
wild-
Correct your spelling
wildlife
life
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 monitoring are significantly important to restore the ecosystems and
protects
Correct subject-verb agreement
protect
show examples
 the species from extinction.
To sum up
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,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the main motive of the scientific
research
Use synonyms
 is to improve the living standard of individuals, providing them comfort, and
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 for their welfare,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
consider
Rephrase
also consider
show examples
another
Correct determiner usage
other
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 concerns
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as the protection of
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and those species which are going to
extinct
Verb problem
become extinct
show examples
 in future.

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task response
For task response, answer the question more directly in all parts. You say you fully agree, but your essay also gives a different aim of science. Make your position clear from start to end.
task response
For task response, explain your main ideas more fully. Some points are good, but a few are too general or not fully linked to the main question.
task response
For task response, use examples that fit the question very closely. The vaccine example is strong, but the beauty treatment example is weaker for this topic.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear paragraph plan, which is good. To improve more, make the link between paragraph 2 and paragraph 3 smoother.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, keep one main idea in each paragraph. In some parts, you move from human life to space, then to environment, so the flow feels less smooth.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, check sentence linking and grammar in connectors. Some phrases like 'Another point is that' work, but some links are not natural.
task response
For task response, you answer the topic and give a clear opinion in the introduction.
task response
For task response, you use a strong real world example about Covid vaccines.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, most paragraphs have a clear main point.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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