IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
,
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
 and uses of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 are becoming crucial
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 which masses
can
Wrong verb form
to communicate
show examples
 more socially.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
trend
Add a comma
trend,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can disconnect because they can reduce
face to face
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
 meetings
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can get some
health related
Correct your spelling
health-related
 issues.
However
Linking Words
,
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
are living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 far away from their parents
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can get in touch with one click. I gonna discuss these points in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 paragraphs. To
begins
Wrong verb form
begin
show examples
 with, it is
easiest
Correct article usage
the easiest
show examples
 way to communicate, to justify it more, some
people
Use synonyms
 are living far away from both their families and friends
they
Correct word choice
, so they
show examples
 can talk with them easily. Owing to
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 multifarious apps
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 WhatsApp,
facebook
Fix capitalization
Facebook
show examples
, and
instagram
Fix capitalization
Instagram
show examples
 are on the
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
.
For example
Linking Words
, it is found that these applications are more used for making calls or doing
chitchat
Correct your spelling
chit-chat
 by those
people
Use synonyms
 who are
leaving
Verb problem
living
show examples
 outside
of
Change preposition
the
show examples
 nation.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can get disadvantages as well, to elaborate more,
due to
Linking Words
 more screen
time
Use synonyms
 they
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 disconnected from their
love
Replace the word
loved
 ones.
Hance
Correct your spelling
Hence
, they just prefer to
scrolling
Wrong verb form
scroll
show examples
while
Linking Words
 sitting
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one place. In which, they can get numerous health issues
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
wether
Use the right word
whether
show examples
 their eyesight can be effected or
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can face obesity.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 brings
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 certain difficulties in their lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom,
in the
Change preposition
at an
show examples
 early
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
 children
get started to visit
Wrong verb form
start visiting
show examples
 different
for
Check wording
places for
show examples
 their eyesight just because of phones.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 phones have some merits
which makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
that make
show examples
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
show examples
 lives easy even yet,
over
Correct word choice
excessive
show examples
 screen
time
Use synonyms
 brings
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many problems for
people
Use synonyms
 which they need to deal
for
Change preposition
with for
show examples
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say if the good points are more than the bad points, and keep this idea strong in the whole essay.
task response
Give fuller ideas. Each main point needs a clearer explanation of how and why it matters.
task response
Use more clear examples. Your examples should directly support your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences simple and clear. Start each body paragraph with one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some parts are hard to follow because the grammar and linking words are not used well.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in one sentence. This will help the reader follow your meaning more easily.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic: good points and bad points.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear ending paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs, which helps the essay look organized.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • stay in touch
  • keep close ties
  • long-distance relationship
  • social connection
  • face-to-face communication
  • online community
  • shared interest
  • feel isolated
  • screen time
  • real-life interaction
  • build relationships
  • instant communication
  • cheap and fast
  • balance
  • healthy use
  • false information
  • privacy risk
  • social skills
  • sense of belonging
  • outweigh the disadvantages
What to do next:
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