Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Recently,
people
Use synonyms
can look younger by buying some products or treatments. I believe that
this
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is a good thing because
this
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trend positively affects our society.
This
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fashion can strengthen not only our confidence but
also
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our mental health. A young appearance makes
people
Use synonyms
feel more confident and energetic. In modern life, outlook has become more important than before. Most
people
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focus on how they look and spend more money on the treatments. My girlfriend has told me ''A good outlook can bring her a delighted mood all day''.
This
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emotion could apply to work and share to others. In
this
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way,
people
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enhance their work efficiency.
Therefore
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, I agreed
Correct word choice
that
show examples
people
Use synonyms
use items or medical techniques to make themselves younger.
In addition
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, many studies have revealed that
people
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's physical conditions can directly affect mental health. In many medical examples, patients who
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
from a long-term physical disease
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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have a higher probability to gain mental disease.
Conversely
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, if we have a good outlook and body, we could have a good mental condition. In
this
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situation, we can go beyond the age limitations that are set by ourselves. Olders can do more
challenges
Replace the word
challenging
or high-tension activities. It shows that a younger face makes us live in a younger way. In conclusion, I totally agree that
people
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having many products and treatments that help them to look younger is really a good sign.
This
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tendency made
people
Use synonyms
believed thay still young, give they confidence to face challenges and
also
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let every have a healthy mental condition.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Start each part with one clear point, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way, like 'also', 'for example', 'because', and 'as a result'.
task achievement
Some ideas are good, but they need more support. Add one clear and real example for each main point.
task achievement
Answer the question more directly. You say it is a good thing, but you should explain why it is good for people and for society more fully.
task achievement
Keep your opinion the same and strong from start to end.
task achievement
You give a clear opinion in the first part and keep it to the end.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are easy to see: confidence and mental health.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • look younger
  • young
  • look
  • product
  • cream
  • pill
  • treatment
  • surgery
  • buy
  • cost
  • price
  • safe
  • danger
  • risk
  • health
  • doctor
  • rules
  • laws
  • advertising
  • pressure
  • body image
  • self-esteem
  • confidence
  • inequality
  • rich
  • poor
  • choice
  • decision
  • natural aging
  • accept aging
What to do next:
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