Some people say that museums should educate children, others think museums should entertain instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Individuals have different opinions about the aim of the
museums
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.
While
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some consider that teaching
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation is crucial, others prioritise entertainment. I believe that a balanced approach is the best, as it helps to achieve the intended goals effectively. It is understandable why proponents of education
contemplate
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contend
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that
museums
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ought to give a chance to the youth to gain knowledge. One reason is that
museums
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are the place where historical artefacts and
commodity
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commodities
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are kept. Once children visit these
places
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, they should learn about how people in the past evolved certain things. Being aware of
this
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information assists the youth not only to broaden their
horison
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horizon
but
also
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to appreciate historical heritage. Another reason that triggers to make
museums
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as
places
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of educating children is creating tranquel atmosphere in
such
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destinations. Since a number of elder citizens
also
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attend there in order to learn,
consructing
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constructing
entertaining sections can impede them
to concentrate
Change preposition
from concentrating
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on the subject, decreasing the number of their visits.
However
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, it is a fact that kids are reluctant to go to
the
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apply
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places
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with only exhibitions, which can be tedious for them. Some studies show that the rate of young museum
visitors
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is rather low in many
museums
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compared to
the
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that of the
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elderly. The main reason is a lack of entertainment. Authorities should create interactive sections in galleries to increase the proportion of young
goers
Check wording
visitors
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. Establishment of
such
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kind of sections
shoud
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should
be organised carefully and properly without disturbing other
visitors
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.
For instance
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, the museum
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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is located in the city of Samarkand offer its young
visitors
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a virtual section which is quite intriguing for kids. After setting up
this
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, they have both
risen
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raised
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their income and the number of attendees. It is proven that these
type
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types
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of historical destinations educate and entertain
visitors
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similtateously
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simultaneously
. In conclusion, in order to make
museums
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the
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apply
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places
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which are favourable, it is better to strike a balance between education and entertainment. By doing these,I think,
such
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destinations gain popularity among all ages.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully and make your own view very clear in the body, not only in the intro and end.
task response
Use simpler and more direct ideas so each point is easy to follow.
task response
Give examples with clear links to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. Some sentences are hard to connect because of word choice.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way, and avoid long unclear sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea and support it step by step.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You used one real example to support your idea.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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