IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are allowing their children to play on computer and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Many individuals do not stop their
children
Use synonyms
 from using
computer
Check wording
computers
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 and tablets as they believe that they should learn technological
skills
Use synonyms
. I think there are more advantages of using
technology
Punctuation problem
technology,
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 as
children
Use synonyms
 can learn new
skills
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 that can help them earn money and
use
Use synonyms
 educational applications to gain valuable knowledge.
first
Fix capitalization
First
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 of all, in
this
Linking Words
 technologically
advance
Replace the word
advanced
 era, it is becoming increasingly important to learn many technology
skills
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 like
artifical
Correct your spelling
artificial
 intelligence and web design.
Children
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 can
use
Use synonyms
 computers and tablets to browse free online platforms like
youtube
Fix capitalization
YouTube
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 to master these
skills
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.
This
Linking Words
 can eventually help them earn money or pursue a career in future.
Hence
Linking Words
, earning at a young age gives them more confidence and motivates them to work hard in future.
Linking Words
for
Fix capitalization
For
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 instance, kids can learn web design and AI tools and make money through freelancing platforms like
fiverr
Fix capitalization
Fiverr
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
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 can
use
Use synonyms
 educational applications to increase their knowledge. These applications help them understand complex classroom lessons
into
Change preposition
in
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 a
more
Rephrase
apply
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simpler way.
This
Linking Words
 saves times and
efforts
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effort
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 of students who have
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
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 routine in
schools
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school
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, it is much easier to learn
english
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English
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 grammar using
application
Correct article usage
an application
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 like
grammerly
Correct your spelling
Grammarly
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, playing mind games like puzzles or mazes can help develop cognitive and
problem solving
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problem-solving
skills
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 in young kids. To sum it up, in my opinion
allowing
Punctuation problem
, allowing
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children
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 to
use
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 gadgets like
computer
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computers
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 and tablet have greater merits than demerits.
This
Linking Words
 is because it
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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children
Use synonyms
 the opportunity to
built
Wrong verb form
build
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 a career and
also
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 them learn difficult school subjects effortlessly.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in each body part.
task response
Add one short line about the bad side, then show why the good side is stronger.
task response
Use more exact examples and explain them a little more.
coherence and cohesion
Start each part with a clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, such as first of all, furthermore, for example, and to sum up.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order so each idea grows in a smooth way.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are mostly easy to follow.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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