IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays some professionals such as doctors, lawyers and engineers are paid much higher than ordinary workers. What do you think of this trend? Are there any jobs which you think should offer higher salaries?

In recent years, some professionals are earning more
money
Use synonyms
 than ordinary workers,
such
Linking Words
 as doctors, lawyers and engineers. I strongly believe that people should get
recognized by
Change preposition
recognised for
show examples
 the
works
Check wording
work
show examples
 that they do
regardless
Punctuation problem
, regardless
show examples
 of their profession, which includes
hard-labor
Correct your spelling
hard labour
jobs
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, people who choose to work in the
medicine
Use synonyms
 or law field mostly spend
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 amount of time and
money
Use synonyms
 to get their degrees before they
actually can
Correct word order
can actually
show examples
 work and earn
money
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Mongolia
Use synonyms
medicine
Punctuation problem
, medicine
show examples
 students study up to 8 years to get their degrees
doing
Punctuation problem
, doing
show examples
various
Replace the word
a variety
 of studies
such
Linking Words
 as general
medicine
Use synonyms
, internal and external
medicine
Use synonyms
 and studying basic surgery skills.
Additionally
Linking Words
, that degree costs way more compared to other
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 of
studies
Check wording
study
show examples
. Even if they are not financially secure, students find ways to pay for their tuition fee working part-time
jobs
Use synonyms
. So, after pursuing your passion and putting effort for 8 years, it is acceptable that
they
Fix the agreement mistake
you
show examples
 could
finally
Linking Words
 get paid more than ordinary workers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people who do hard
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as cleaning and working at construction sites
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 should
also
Linking Words
 get paid more. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 you are earning the
money
Use synonyms
 by your actual body doing hard physical
jobs
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if someone gets injured working at
construction
Correct article usage
a construction
show examples
 site, they could actually lose their life or
gets
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 injured really badly. But their salary would not even cover
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of their treatment or the emotional damage they go through.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend of some professionals
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as doctors and engineers
getting
Punctuation problem
, getting
show examples
 paid more is acceptable and understandable.
However
Linking Words
, just because you do not have
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 degree does not mean you should get paid less. I believe in
this
Linking Words
 society, the new generations could come up with
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 range of salaries and change
this
Linking Words
 system

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You say high pay for doctors is okay, and you say hard jobs should get more pay, but you can add one more clear idea for each part.
task response
Make your main view very clear from the start. Say exactly which jobs should get higher pay and why.
task response
Use examples that are short and direct. Some examples are good, but they can link more clearly to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, like 'On the one hand' and 'Overall', but some sentences are long and not easy to follow. Make them shorter.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas inside each paragraph more clearly. At times, the jump from one sentence to the next is a bit sudden.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
You give a real example about medical study in Mongolia.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay uses paragraphs in a clear way.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compensation
  • Expertise
  • Income disparity
  • Societal contribution
  • Automation
  • Scarcity
  • Market dynamics
  • Infrastructure
  • Professional ethics
  • Economic disparity
  • Undervalued
  • Meritocracy
  • Vocational skill
  • Job market
  • Wage gap
What to do next:
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