IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured foods and drinks products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Many
foods
Use synonyms
 and
drinks
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 containing high levels of
sugar
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 affecting
people
Use synonyms
's health more and more
everyday
Replace the word
every day
. I strongly believe that sugary
products
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 should be made more expensive to
let
Verb problem
limit
show examples
Use synonyms
people have less
Check wording
people's
show examples
 access to
sugar
Use synonyms
. Sugary
foods
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 and
drinks
Use synonyms
 have become part of our daily snacks as it is cheaper than
high nutritional
Correct your spelling
high-nutrition
 ones.
For instance
Linking Words
, students spend a lot of time at their university campus, studying in a library or doing their assignments in the study room
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they often choose to have energy
drinks
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 to be more energetic.
However
Linking Words
, consuming
sugar
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 daily could lead to serious heart diseases
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 one could even develop the
symptomps
Correct your spelling
symptoms
 of diabetes
resulting
Punctuation problem
, resulting
show examples
 in
livelong
Correct your spelling
lifelong
 health problems. The main reason young adults choose to buy
products
Use synonyms
 with high levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
 is that it is much cheaper and
Rephrase
more accessible
show examples
accessible
Punctuation problem
accessible,
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 as they have no
incomes
Check wording
income
show examples
. And once
people
Use synonyms
 start consuming
sugar
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 in their daily lives, it is hard to stop
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 it gets addictive.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
finally
Linking Words
decides
Correct subject-verb agreement
decide
show examples
 to eat healthy and take care of their body, not all
foods
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 with high nutrients and proteins are affordable as they are more expensive.
Additionally
Linking Words
, consuming expensive
products
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 everyday do not match with everybody's lifestyle and their incomes.
Overall
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are getting addicted to sugary
foods
Use synonyms
 and
drinks
Use synonyms
 because
it is
Fix the agreement mistake
they are
show examples
 cheaper and
accessible
Rephrase
more accessible
show examples
. In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe it should be the other way around. Humans are subconsciously making decisions
to
Rephrase
apply
show examples
not
buy
Correct word order
to buy
show examples
 nutritional food because they know that they cannot afford it. Once sugary
products
Use synonyms
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 more expensive,
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 mind will make decisions like
they are
Fix the agreement mistake
it is
show examples
 doing with nutritional
foods
Use synonyms
 now.

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task response
For task response: your main view is clear, but you need to explain it more fully in each body part.
task response
For task response: add one more clear example to show why a higher price can cut sugar use.
task response
For task response: be careful with ideas that are too general, like 'human mind will make decisions'; make them more direct and real.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: some links between ideas are weak, so use simple words like 'this means', 'because of this', and 'as a result' to show the path of your thought.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: keep one main idea in each paragraph; your second body part moves a little away from the main question.
task response
For task response: you answer the question and clearly say that you agree.
task response
For task response: you give a real-world example about students and energy drinks.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: the essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: most ideas follow in a natural order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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