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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children ,young adult, working people, and the retired to have at least one hobby. What's your opinion about this?

Involving in a
hobby
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is an exetremly a recreation for a person's life. My opinion is that every individuals need to have intrest for any calming
time pass
Replace the word
time-passing
 activity.In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain
you
Change preposition
to you
show examples
 some
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of maintaining a
hobby
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Old
Change preposition
in the old
show examples
 days
kids
Punctuation problem
, kids
show examples
have being
Wrong verb form
were
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 trained with some recreation activities
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their schools. As an example , reading books , collecting stamps,
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 some
handcrafts
Correct your spelling
handicrafts
,
drawings
Correct word choice
and drawings
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are the most popular activities amongst these. I can remember in my
child hood
Correct your spelling
childhood
, I used to collect different stamps in my
leasure
Correct your spelling
leisure
 time
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I had made some beautiful scrap books in an
attarctive
Correct your spelling
attractive
 way.
Moreover
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 ,
Some
Fix capitalization
some
show examples
 people
use to listen
Correct word order
listen to
show examples
 music as their
hobby
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
who ever
Correct your spelling
whoever
the person, a child , a young adult , a working individual
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
either
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a retired person should find
a
Correct article usage
some
show examples
 spare time to attend
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some
angaging
Correct your spelling
engaging
 activities. As an instance, in
2025
Punctuation problem
2025,
show examples
 recent research in world health organiozation declair that 40% people
arround
Correct your spelling
around
 the world
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 mostly suffer
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 some non contageous deseases like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Blood pressure, blood sugar,
anxiety
Correct word choice
and anxiety
show examples
,
because of the
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 life and job stress.
Although
Linking Words
, in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 the
pofessionalists
Correct your spelling
professionals
 state that job pressure and living pressure are the major issues for
this
Linking Words
 impact .
As a consequence
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, each
an
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 every
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 might be facing
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
divastate
Replace the word
devastation
. Not only that,
their
Correct word choice
but their
show examples
 working capasity
also
Linking Words
 diminishing.
However
Linking Words
, same professionalism have
been
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
recommended some important tips
on behalf of
Change preposition
regarding
show examples
this
Linking Words
 social decline. They stated that
poccessing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
 a
hobby
Use synonyms
 is one of the major
sollution
Correct your spelling
solutions
 to
this
Linking Words
 mind stressfullness, and people must be implemented at least one
of a recreation
Replace the word
recreational
 activity as their
preferences
Fix the agreement mistake
preference
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, a
hobby
Use synonyms
 makes them
satisefaction
Correct your spelling
satisfied
,
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 a calming enviroment and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
skill development as well.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 would be the most powerful method to raise their
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 thinking.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why all people should have a hobby.
task response
Add one or two clear main ideas and explain each one more fully.
task response
Use examples that are simple and easy to trust. Some facts in the essay are not clear.
coherence cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words carefully, like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar so your ideas connect in a smooth way.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
You include a conclusion at the end.
task response
You use personal and general examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraph breaks.
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