IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some say that music plays an important role in society while others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is a widespread opinion that
music
Use synonyms
places
Verb problem
plays
show examples
 a crucial role in our
society
Punctuation problem
society,
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while
Linking Words
someone
Correct pronoun usage
others
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 argue and consider it only as
leisure
Correct article usage
a leisure
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activitie
Correct your spelling
activity
 or
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way to have fun.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
discus
Use the right word
discuss
show examples
 both views before presenting my own. On the one hand,playing on a
musiical
Correct your spelling
musical
 instrument
provide having
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 a good time alone or with your friends.Because
music
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
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often encourage peoples to gather up in
bands
Punctuation problem
bands,
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 what help socialization.
it
Fix capitalization
It
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 is a great opportunity to chat with
others
Correct determiner usage
other
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 band members or to find individuals with common hobbies
Punctuation problem
, despite
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despite the
Change preposition
regardless of
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music
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
always has
Correct word order
has always
show examples
 been
asosiated
Correct your spelling
associated
 with entertainment.All valuable events
such
Linking Words
 as weddings,dates,anniversaries accompanies with it.Even in a common friends meeting
Use synonyms
music
Punctuation problem
, music
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 has an influence on
creation
Correct article usage
the creation
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 of
ambient
Correct article usage
an ambient
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 and
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
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 atmosphere.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 helps to get rid
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 anxiety and frustration thoughs.When individuals produce a beatifull sounds
it
Punctuation problem
, it
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 had charming effect and
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 a state similar to meditation.During which they
discract
Correct your spelling
disconnect
 from
Correct article usage
the realm
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realm
Punctuation problem
realm,
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 forget about problems
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 just enjoy the moment.
As a
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result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 prevention of
depresion
Correct your spelling
depression
 and positive contribution to mental well-being.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 has
became
Wrong verb form
become
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 a historical
herritage
Correct your spelling
heritage
 for every
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
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.Each country has
own
Correct determiner usage
its own
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 folk
music
Use synonyms
 which directly reflects local traditions and culture and
escort
Correct subject-verb agreement
accompanies
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 each national
holliday
Correct your spelling
holiday
.So
music
Use synonyms
 is representative of whole cultural groups. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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music
Use synonyms
 is more
that
Correct word choice
than
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 just a way of
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
.Because it can be used in
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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 of differs aspect of human
being
Check wording
beings
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.Peoples finds friend,
figh depresion
Correct your spelling
fight depression
,
create
Correct word choice
and create
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 a cultural legacy with
help
Correct article usage
the help
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 of
music
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,individuals who see
a
Correct article usage
apply
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music
Use synonyms
 only as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fun
a
Correct word choice
or
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 terribly wrong.
Music
Use synonyms
 is a fully independent art with many branches
in it
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
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 it distinct form of trans and everyday
companien
Correct your spelling
companionship
 in all
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
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 of human life.

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task response
For task response, answer all parts more clearly. You discuss both views and give your opinion, but your opinion should be stronger in body paragraphs too.
task response
For task response, explain ideas more fully. Some points are good, but they are not always clear because the meaning is hard to follow.
task response
For task response, add one or two clear examples. Real and simple examples can make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, because, as a result, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make each sentence easy to follow. Some sentences are too long or mixed, so the main idea is lost.
task response
You answer the full question: both views are discussed and your opinion is given.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, opinion, and conclusion.
task response
You include main ideas about fun, mental health, and culture, which are relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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